Season 3 Episode 11: No Joke For James

We start off with James bragging to Thomas and Percy about how he is the best. Thomas quickly calls out this B.S. Percy agrees and states what I have been saying since Season 1, James is full of himself. This causes James to be butt hurt and he puffs away.

Later that day, James meets up with Gordon. James makes the mistake of bragging to Gordon, who has an even bigger ego, on how he great he is. Gordon quickly shuts him down. 
James on the spot spurts out, "The Fat Controller has plans for me." Gordon believes James and heads off.

Maury, you're back!

Thomas arrives with some hot new coaches. James wonders if they are for him? Thomas explains, "They are for Gordon's express and he'll fetch James' coaches for him."

James takes this as an opportunity to fake a lie. He explains, "They are actually for him and the trucks are for Gordon per The Fat Controller." Thomas although skeptical, hands them over to James.

Why am I believing you?

James' driver couples James to the coaches and they puff away. (Wait, the driver is just as bad a James. He just went right along with this? The Fat Controller really needs to screen his employees better.)

Thomas returns with the trucks. Gordon arrives at the very moment wondering why the heck he is being given trucks? Thomas explains what James has done. Rage fills Gordon and his driver.

I'll get you!

Meanwhile, James has a giant boner from what he has done. He puffs down the line gleefully over his plan working.

As he arrives at the next station, The Fat Controller waits for him. James pulls up and his ego is immediately deflated. The Fat Controller banishes James to his shed until he is needed again. (And James' driver?)

And no TV!

The other engines rightfully so, began to tease James about his punishment. James pouts the night away.

The next morning, we see that James is free. James pulls up next to Thomas and apologizes for tricking him. Thomas then passes over some trucks to him. 

James works in the harbor with his trucks for the rest of the day. His driver (who is somehow still working and not on suspension) is ready to head home. When a man appears.

He looks like a total flasher!

The flasher explains he is there to see The Fat Controller and needs a ride back to see him. 

James' driver sees a chance to get back into the good graces of The Fat Controller and agrees. He whispers to James, "This is no flasher. He is a railway inspector."

You act all goodie two shoes and I'll bribe him.

James takes the inspector on the journey to The Fat Controller. He takes extra care to give him the best ride of his life.

At the station, The Fat Controller is waiting. 

You'd think he thought James was bringing him one of those iced buns he loves so much.

James' smooth ride and the unseen/unmentioned bribe from his driver work. The Railway Inspector declares James to be bee's knees. The Fat Controller has no choice but, to declare James, "A very usual engine." And like that James is back in the good graces of The Fat Controller. 

Oh you sneaky little red turd.

Season 2 Episode 10: The Runaway

Thomas apparently has not been vaccinated because, he is ill. The Fat Controller, is going to have Edward take him to the works. 

Is Edward ill too? My Baby! 

The Fat Controller then has a talk with Duck. he wants Duck to help Percy and Toby in Thomas' place. Duck is so happy his eyes spaz out.

Duck makes great friends with Toby and Bertie. while he is working. He even meets Terence. Ducks is so happy to met the Tractor that his eyes really spaz out.

I wonder if something is going to go down? Duck has Thomas' and Percy's derp eyes.

Terence warns Duck to take care of Thomas couches or feel the wrath of Thomas. But, Duck being ever the gentle engine is wonderful with Annie and Clarabel. 

Thomas recovers from the Ebola or whatever he had and returns. Annie and Clarabel, tell Thomas about how wonderful Duck was. And Thomas, feeling so great forgets that he is a very jealous fellow.

Thomas was not as well as he first thought. They soon find that his brakes were left very stiff. Thomas seemed to have a hard on. This causes Thomas to over shoot platforms. It was very hard to perform correctly. Thomas found his performance most embarrassing. 

In and Out

After some very sexual wording of events, Thomas' crew gets the hang of it. But, as luck would have it Thomas fireman catches Jungle Diarrhea and becomes sick one day. A relief man comes in to take his place. 

I shouldn't have ate that green eggs and ham.

Thomas' crew and the station master wait on the platform for Henry to show with their connections. But oopsie, the fireman forgot about Thomas' hand brake. Oh the chaos, that will follow!

Thomas sits at the platform carefree. As Henry arrives, Thomas starts to loose his hard on and rolls off. Thomas tried to stop and whistle but, he was helpless without his crew. The crew and passengers stand at the platform picking their butts watching as Thomas heads for disaster.

Where's Michael Jackson and his popcorn?

Thomas flies down the line. Alarms were set across the line to stop the run run run runaway. But, who is going to help Thomas? Well, it is Harold. The Inspector had a plan. 

Thomas is beginning to wear out. As he approaches the next station, Harold lands. The Inspector bails out and like a cat on catnip jumps on board Thomas at the platform. And gives Thomas a hard on. 

Hard on!

Thomas finally stops. The Inspector insists that this will never happen again. And Thomas why why why why why wonders, why this was his fault?

My little runway. Run run run run runaway....

Season 2, Episode 7: Percy & The Signal

Percy is a joker, we find out. One day, Percy is in a heck of joking mood. He puffs up to Gordon, who is looking grouchy as usual and tells him, "To hurry up the train is waiting."

Gordon thought he was indeed late. And Percy just laughs like a twerp at him. But in all honestly, Gordon deserves to be tormented. Percy pulls out showing Gordon his nasty coal trucks. Did Thomas not warn Percy, that Gordon seeks revenge?

"I hate you..." glared Gordon.

James come on down! You're the next contestant on Percy's Assholery Train!

Percy chugs up next to James and tells him, "To stay in the shed today, The Fat Controller wants to see him." 

James gets all excited and assumes it is because The Fat Controller thinks he is all that and bag of chips and has a special train for him.

Seriously though, is James okay?

James' crew could not get the ginger engine to move. The other engines were getting pretty p/oed about having to pick up his loads. The Inspector arrives looking very handsome in his handlebar mustache. 

One more and we'll have a barbershop quartet. Where is Edward's fireman when you need him?

The Inspector tries to urge James to move but, James insists The Fat Controller wants him badly. So, The Inspector drops the bomb that The Fat Controller is in Vegas, Canada, or somewhere for the week. James is aghast and puffs to find Percy.

Percy being a sneaky snake sneaks off before he can be found. 

A week later, The Fat Controller speaks to James and Percy.

They have some 'plaining to do.

The next morning or a few days from the talk, who knows, but anyhow, Percy was being careless. He puffs up to Gordon and James and starts to brag about how The Fat Controller loves him and has gave him a special job pulling trucks to Thomas' junction. 

James most likely correct, tells Percy that, "He wants you out of the way."

Gordon looks at James so hard trying to scheme, James' face falls off. 

CURSE YOU GORDON!

Gordon tells Percy, "We were just speaking of signals. You can never be sure of them. But oh dear Percy, you know everything."

Percy pees his pants from the back handed compliment. James goes on to tell him about a backing signal. Percy insists that he knows all about them and there no need to explain. He then heads off. 

Percy arrives at a signal. It is set at danger. Of course it is! The signal malfunctions and moves up instead of down. Of course it did! Percy never saw this before. Of course he didn't!

And his eyes derped. Of course they did!

He figures it is the backing signal. Percy's driver yells at him to go. And Percy goes but, backwards. Percy stops once the driver yells at him. And tells him about what Gordon and James had said. The driver explains to Percy that he is stupid.

Percy tries to start up before they see him but, Gordon did. 

That night, the mockery begins. And Percy spends the night embarrassed.

Why do I imagine Percy speaking like Piglet?

Season 2 Episode 5: Old Iron

We find James impatiently waiting on my Eddie. James tries to berate Edward but, Ol' Edward he just laughs. James then puffs off furiously.

One day James, you'll be old too. And you won't be as good looking.

After James finishes his jobs for the slave driver, The Fat Controller, he heads to the turntable and to tuck in for the night. And of course he was still in a bad mood. I personally think this is because he is red. Red is an angry color. 

James goes off on a tangent about how horrible Edward is to the other engines. 

Percy and Thomas look as annoyed as I am with James.

Percy and Thomas egg James on about how Edward could totally cream him in a race and honestly anything. James is just so eww to me. He is everything I hate in people in a model engine. Sorry James fans.

The next morning, we find that James' driver is sick. He is pale as a ghost. Another theory is he must be drinking pals with Thomas' fireman. 

Or James makes him sick, also.

The fireman uncoupled James and decided to get James ready for shunting. But James as always, was impatient and suddenly took off down the line. Or so it seems. 

The signal man halts all traffic and notifies the fireman about his obnoxious engine. He states that he saw two invisible boys playing his James' foot plates. 

And "Brrrrrrrrraaaaa riiiiing" the telephone rang. The signal man answers, the inspector is on the phone. He wants a duck and hose ASAP. Just kidding he wants a shunters' pole and some rope.

Oh dear god, what is he going to do with a duck and a hose?

The fireman gathers the items and hops on Edward. Who has lost his eyebrows.

Edward is so bad ass, he lost his eyebrows going through rails of fire.

Eyebrowless Edward takes off and we cut to James laughing and having a good ol' time. All was good for James until he starts to speed up. Then all hell breaks loose. James just now realizes that he has no driver. I guess they can't feel people inside them.

Edward hurries down the line to catch up with James. He huffs and puffs until adorably out of breath. He does eventually catch up. 

The inspector then tries to lasso James like the cowboy he is from Edward.

Get along little doggies!

He eventually catches James by the buffer. Edward's driver breaks and James' fireman scrambles across the engines gathering control of James. 

Once under control, Edward and James run next to each other. James apologizes and let's Edward know how awesome he really is.

The engines arrive at the station, where The Fat Controller is awaiting. 

You boys look good in rouge.

He awards James a rest and then it's back to work. And Edward, he is getting some new parts from Dr.Ray at The Works. 

I just love him!

Season 1 Episode 12: Thomas Goes Fishing

In this episode we find that our friend, Thomas has a place he looks forward to going on his branch line. It is a bridge over the river where the hobos fish. 

Peep peep hobos!

Thomas really wants to watch and fish with the hobos. His driver, who's job is probably on the line at this point refuses to let him due to The Fat Controller.

Thomas becomes fixated with fishing. He starts to tell all the other engines about how he wants to do it whenever he runs into them. They just tell him to shut it.

I'd be glad to bump you into the river, Thomas

One day, Thomas stopped at the station by Hobo River to fill up with water. But wouldn't you know it, it was out of order. The driver decides to get some water out of the river. Oh what could happen?

They head off to the bridge, at this point Thomas is dying.

I feel like Henry

Thomas' driver lets a bucket down on some rope into the river. But, instead of finding a good bucket. He picked up some old bucket with 5 holes in it. They rushed to fill up Thomas to avoid loosing the water.

What could go wrong at Hobo River?

They finish up and head on to disaster. Thomas chugs along until he feels like he is going to blow. So they cut the fire down and Thomas chugs slowly along, just as if he ate at Taco Bell. They then uncouple his coaches and bring him to a siding. 

Damn you, Taco Bell!

Thomas' guard calls an engine inspector and the rest of the crew puts up danger signs on Thomas. The Fat Controller and the inspector arrive. The inspector suspects his feed pipe is blocked. He takes a look. He is so shocked by what he sees he asks The Fat Controller to look. They both see fish.

Gasp!

Thomas' driver admits he was trying to kill Thomas by putting fish in his tank. Just kidding, it was an accident. Or was it?

The Fat Controller tells Thomas that, "He has been fishing after all."

The gang decides to fish in Thomas. 

This has to be worst then going to the gynecologist

Of course, The Fat Controller just stands there and tells them how to fish. Just like when Henry was in the tunnel. No wonder his railway is a mess!

When they caught all the fish they ate them because, screw the passengers. 

The Fat Controller tells Thomas not to do it again. Wait a second, how was this at all Thomas' fault? The hobos liquor must have contaminated those fish he ate.

Mmmmmmm hobo fish