Season 1 Episode 16: Trouble In The Sheds

Ah, the drama continues. The Fat Controller is sitting in his office and finds that his passengers are angry. The station manager informs him, "That Henry is sulking in the shed and that the passengers think that this a bad railway." 

You would think he would be use to this by now? And these passengers at this point should take the bus. The word has to be out about how crazy these engines are.

This is why I have no hair

He heads off to the sheds and finds 'The Three Amigos' looking very cross. This is just my opinion, but the last thing I would want is a bunch of pissed off engines coming at me. He could easily become The Flat Controller.

He tries to talk Henry into going but, Gordon The Union Speaker says, "No, we will not work until someone else does our coach fetching. We are not a tank engines."

And we want pretzels in the break room

The Fat Controller just shrugs it off and says, "You are my engine slaves and you will do as I wish and he will fetch Edward."

Yes, Edward is appearing!

The Fat Controller find Edward being a total gentle engine shunting trucks. He asks Edward to help him gather coaches. Cute little Edward agrees to.

You know writing this blog has gave me an uncomfortable crush on Edward. 

Edward gathers the coaches and the day goes on running. 

The next morning my love, Edward is unhappy. Gordon passes him just as he is going to speak to The Fat Controller and blows steam at Edward. 

Oh hell no, Gordon you don't treat my Eddie that way!

He farted on me sir

 Edward explains to The Fat Controller that 'The Three Amigos' have been making his life hell. They even told him he has black wheels.

The Fat Controller consoles Edward, "They are wonderfully blue. And you are freaking awesome. But, I do need another tank engine." 

So The Fat Controller goes SHOPPING! 

Does it come with glitter and sequins?

He browses the engines available. He spots a little green engine and falls in love. Much like my love for Edward. 

The Fat Controller makes the engine agree to work hard and names him "Percy".

Let's roll!

The Fat Controller brings Edward, Percy. Does this make Percy, Edward's pet? 

He wants Edward to show Percy the ropes. They have a wonderful day. Henry even tries to hiss the two of them and Percy beats him to it. Edward loves it.

Urgh, Tank Engine toots!

Thomas shows up for a meeting. Edward, Thomas, and Percy wait for The Fat Controller. When he arrives he tells that Edward and Thomas that they will run The Mainline instead of Gordon, Henry, and James. And Percy can take the branch line.

In yo face!

As a result there was fewer trains but, the passengers probably use by now are use to the shenanigans of this railway and don't mind. They know that 'The Three Amigos' are rotting in the sheds. 

Season 1 Episode 15: Tenders & Turntables

We have Henry and Gordon at the shed. Much to my surprise we find that they are lonely now that Thomas is running his branch line. They are also are upset that they have to fetch their own coaches. 

James who is like the younger kid who tries to hang with the older cool kids joins in the grumbling.

The coaches meanwhile, call it as it is and say the three  are lazy.

I started smoking to fit in with Gordon and Henry

The Fat Controller has his hands full with his tender engines minus Edward. He has installed turntables for them to back in on. OSHA or whatever the English equivalent is, has cracked down on it being too dangerous for the tender engines to back up quickly. 

How is he not having fun at this?

Gordon thinks that The Fat Controller has only gave him a tender because of how important he is. Not because he needs coal to run or anything.

One day, Gordon meets up with Thomas and starts to complain about how the tender engines are being mistreated and that tank engines are below him. Thomas just laugh and heads off to actually do work.

Polish my wheels, Thomas

Gordon runs off to the turntable grumping along. The turntable was built in a crappy location and an engine has to be on it just right or it doesn't turn correctly. Well Gordon, is in his mood so that didn't work out so well for him. 

Oh my Kardashian tender

The crew give up on trying to turn Gordon. They then decide that he must pull the next train backwards. At the station some boys and Angus Young call Gordon a tank engine. 

I must admit Gordon's face freaks me out

Thomas sees this and mocks Gordon. I called it, Thomas broke his promise never to be cheeky to Gordon again. Thomas then suggest that Gordon dump his tender and get a cute little bunker like he has. 

At this time, James passes and joins in the Gordon teasing. Gordon says, "It can happen to you."

James calls Gordon, "A fat tender."

I also lie about loosing my virginity to look cool

At the turntables, James thinks to himself, "he must not stick." But, James nails it.

Gordon arrives just in time to see something go wrong. James and his slender little tender moved too easily in the wind and round and round he goes.

Where he stops nobody knows

Gordon takes his chance to tease James. This causes James to slink off without a word. 

That night James, Henry, and Gordon have a bitch session. They complain about having to go backwards, being spun around, and The Fat Controller making them shunt. GASP! 

Honestly Henry, I like you. I would just chug away.

Gordon whispers a plot to the others that will unfold tomorrow. We find that they want to make The Fat Controller look silly. The three engines decide to go on strike. Well, that is not too hard to do. He has you three and Thomas working under him. You guys can accomplish that without a strike. Oh whatever, will happen?

Season 1 Episode 14: Thomas & Bertie

What two episodes in a row we get a new character for Thomas to hate on? Yes! This time it is a bus at the junction. 
The bus introduces himself as Bertie. Thomas holds nothing back and points out that he runs this branch line.  
Bertie not realizing that he is setting himself up for hatred says, "You're the dude that was stuck in the snow. I took your freezing passengers. I have came to help you today too"

You really steam me off

Thomas replies, "You help me? I can go faster then you."

The two bicker for a bit and before we know it we have a race. We learn that Thomas is a slow starter. Bertie gets a head start on Thomas.Thomas wasn't too concerned at the time about this. He knew about the level crossing. Thomas makes his pass at Bertie.

Hah, bus!

After the crossing, the road left railway. The two didn't know where each other were at. Thomas made it to his next station. There he had to let off his passengers. Thomas rushed his passengers and set off again. 

But, who is this at the bridge? 

Hah train!

Thomas goes on chanting he will beat Bertie. But oh crap, it is another station. And Bertie is there mocking him. After a drink, Thomas sets off again.

As Thomas crosses Hobo Bridge he hears Bertie cussing at a traffic light. And it looks like Thomas is getting a head. 

Thomas whooshes into the last station and he wins. Rats, I really wanted Bertie to win. The passengers celebrate Thomas' victory. Bertie then confesses to beat Thomas over that hill he has to become a transvehicle and become an airplane.

I was manufactured in the wrong body

The two of them are now buddies. They are not allowed to race anymore but, they would love to. 

Season 1 Episode 13: Thomas, Terence and The Snow

It's fall! And we have a new character for Thomas to hate on. It's a tractor.

Tractor racism, it exist.

Later in the day, Thomas gets a chance to talk to this tractor. The tractor introduces himself as Terence and explains that he is plowing.

Thomas just goes, "Meh, I am Thomas and I am pulling this train. And you have some ugly wheels, tractor"

Henry is fat and you have ugly wheels.

Terence replies, "That he is beautiful, no matter what you say. Words can't bring him down. And by the way, they're caterpillars. And they take me everywhere"

Thomas lies and says smugly, "He doesn't want to go anywhere." and runs off.

That is not what he said awhile back for the record. 

Holy kittens, it's now winter. Or someone spit flour on the set. Thomas' driver is concerned about the snow and wants to put a snow plow on Thomas. This pisses off Thomas. Honestly, what doesn't piss off Thomas?

Sodor, home to the quickest seasons

They head off with the snow plow on. Thomas acts like a cat with bags on its feet and shakes and bangs his plow. He keeps it up until he damages it. His driver was forced to take it off at the end of the day.

Because of Thomas' assholery the day before his crew had to get up early to try to fix his plow. But, they fail. Of course Thomas is pleased with himself. Everyone is worried. His driver is concerned that the snow will be deep in valley. But, they go on their run.

Predictably, Thomas runs through a tunnel and into a snow bank on the other side. 

Now The Fat Controller wishes he would have let you blow up in the previous episode

The guard heads off to get help and golly gee wiz the paying passengers try to dig Thomas out. But, the more they dig the more Thomas becomes stuck. Thomas gives up too and starts to cry.

A bus comes along and takes the passengers. And Terence comes along to help Thomas. 

You're going to be kissing my exhaust for now on

Terence pulls away the coaches and heads back for Thomas. Terence struggles a bit but get Thomas out. Thomas then thanks Terence and apologizes. But he still thinks Henry is fat. Thomas' driver kids himself and tells Thomas that he hopes he will be sensible now. 

Season 1 Episode 12: Thomas Goes Fishing

In this episode we find that our friend, Thomas has a place he looks forward to going on his branch line. It is a bridge over the river where the hobos fish. 

Peep peep hobos!

Thomas really wants to watch and fish with the hobos. His driver, who's job is probably on the line at this point refuses to let him due to The Fat Controller.

Thomas becomes fixated with fishing. He starts to tell all the other engines about how he wants to do it whenever he runs into them. They just tell him to shut it.

I'd be glad to bump you into the river, Thomas

One day, Thomas stopped at the station by Hobo River to fill up with water. But wouldn't you know it, it was out of order. The driver decides to get some water out of the river. Oh what could happen?

They head off to the bridge, at this point Thomas is dying.

I feel like Henry

Thomas' driver lets a bucket down on some rope into the river. But, instead of finding a good bucket. He picked up some old bucket with 5 holes in it. They rushed to fill up Thomas to avoid loosing the water.

What could go wrong at Hobo River?

They finish up and head on to disaster. Thomas chugs along until he feels like he is going to blow. So they cut the fire down and Thomas chugs slowly along, just as if he ate at Taco Bell. They then uncouple his coaches and bring him to a siding. 

Damn you, Taco Bell!

Thomas' guard calls an engine inspector and the rest of the crew puts up danger signs on Thomas. The Fat Controller and the inspector arrive. The inspector suspects his feed pipe is blocked. He takes a look. He is so shocked by what he sees he asks The Fat Controller to look. They both see fish.

Gasp!

Thomas' driver admits he was trying to kill Thomas by putting fish in his tank. Just kidding, it was an accident. Or was it?

The Fat Controller tells Thomas that, "He has been fishing after all."

The gang decides to fish in Thomas. 

This has to be worst then going to the gynecologist

Of course, The Fat Controller just stands there and tells them how to fish. Just like when Henry was in the tunnel. No wonder his railway is a mess!

When they caught all the fish they ate them because, screw the passengers. 

The Fat Controller tells Thomas not to do it again. Wait a second, how was this at all Thomas' fault? The hobos liquor must have contaminated those fish he ate.

Mmmmmmm hobo fish

Season 1 Episode 11: Thomas & The Guard

Thomas is so proud of his branch line that he thinks he is the best and his line is the best. We find that Annie only takes passengers and Clarabel picks up the slack. They are also old ladies.

Thomas we need to stop at Walgreen's for our Polident

Annie and Clarabel are also tolerant of Thomas' antics. They know Thomas is just trying to kiss The Fat Controller's bald butt. 

One day, Thomas has to wait on Henry. Thomas starts to rant about how, "Henry is always screwing up his branch line." 

Once again, we all worked with one of these people.

Poor Henry slowly chugs in. I feel so horrible for him. Just look at his sad little clay face.

Thomas is such a jerk that he calls poor Henry, "Lazy Bones" and demands to know, "Where has he been?"

I don't know Thomas, Henry has so many options sticking to his rails doesn't he?

Henry basically says, "He is breaking down. And no one knows how he suffers."

Awe Henry, I care. 

And holy fruit salad Thomas calls Henry, "Fat." I didn't make that up. I swear.

I can't help it, I was built that way.

Thomas being a total jag off at this point, rushes off and leaves his guard behind. Clarabel and Annie try to make Thomas aware of this but, Thomas doesn't listen. Thomas wouldn't stop until he hit a signal. 

They waited for the guard to come out but he wasn't coming. So, they kept waiting. Thomas finally peeps, "Where is the guard?"

His coaches says, "For the last time Thomas, we've left him behind."

Better run over your passengers Thomas before The Fat Controller gets wind

Thomas' guard disappears and reappears from behind him. Or he is running down the track? But, I like to think he is a ghost. He is out of breath and very hot. So what does he do? He has drink. 

It is okay Mr. Guard, if I had to work on this railway I would drink too.

I'm becoming a Flight Attendant.

Thomas apologizes and the signal goes down. Thomas is off. Annie and Clarabel encourage him to go as fast as he wants. Wait a second, isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place? Anyhow, Thomas makes the end of his line in record time. 

Wait, what did we learn?

Season 1 Episode 10: James And The Express

We find that The Fat Controller is starting to trust James but, the other engines still give him hell about the boot lace. 

Gordon brags about being so bad that he is the only one who has something to talk about. He is so bad ass that he is the only one who can pull The Express alone. He knows his way so well that he knows which line to take by instinct. But, everyone knows the signal man does that. 

Chicks dig me also

The next morning. Gordon is still boasting. He puts James down for doing odd jobs and then tells James, "To run along and gather his coaches."

James actually does this. If it was me, I would probably tell Gordon to, "shut it."

The coaches actually like James today. They have a quick conversation about how James would love to pull the express. 

Gordon on the next line, gets ready to back onto the 1st line. Of course, he has to make a scene of it. 

Chicks love it when I steam on them

The Fat Controller is riding on Gordon's train today. They load up the passengers and they are off. Gordon then says my favorite line.

James watches Gordon poop off and goes back to his job. James then puts some coaches out for the next train. He then hears an awful noise. It is Gordon he pooped himself again. 

James finally gets a chance to mock Gordon. He asks Gordon, "If he lost his way?"

Gordon explains that, "He was switched on the wrong line and had to make his way around again."

And I poop pooped myself

Once again, The Fat Controller's passengers are angry. They head to the ticket master and demand their money back. The Fat Controller takes control and offers them another engine. 

And please do not write about this on the internet

The Fat Controller puts James to the task. James promises to try his best and sets off. James pulls the express so well that the passengers forget about their troubles and thank James.

The Fat Controller personally speaks to James. He offers the chance for James to pull the express sometimes instead of Gordon. 

Watch out for my excitement! 

The next day Gordon says, "I like quiet work for a change. He is teaching the trucks manners" 

Yeah right Gordo. 

And with that Gordon and James are buddies. 

Season 1 Episode 9: Troublesome Trucks

We start off with James in ''Engine Time Out" due to the whole boot lace fiasco. He hasn't been let out of the sheds for days.

Watttttttttter

But no fear, The Fat Controller is here. He tells James, "He sees that he is sorry. But he has to straighten his red butt up. People are laughing at his railway and he does not like that." 

I honestly think people aren't just laughing because of James. The Fat Controller has a roster of screw up engines to add to that. 

He decides to set James free and let him play with some trucks. 

My mouth says, "Just do it!"

At the station, Thomas is there being cheeky. Shock of my life. Thomas teases James about the boot lace incident and runs off.

James starts once again taking his anger out on the trucks. The trucks do not want to work with a red monster. James takes off with his trucks, they then try to make it as difficult as they can for him in retaliation. 

They keep this up all the way to Gordon's hill. Half way up the hill, half the trucks break loose. 

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

James does not realize this and thinks he has caught a break due to the train becoming easier to pull. The joke is on him. His driver shuts off his steam. 

They back James back down the hill to gather his trucks. My Edward comes along back and asks if James needs some help? James refuses.

James' trucks are coupled back together and he starts again. This time he does it. I wonder how Gordon would feel?

Edward catches up with James at the next station and tells James how well he did.

You should still listen to me James.

And of course, The Fat Controller pops out of nowhere. James is convinced he is going to back hand him. But nah, he was in Edward's train and saw everything. And like that James is no longer in fear of loosing his red coat.  

Season 1 Episode 8: James And The Coaches

We find that James is enjoying his life on The Island Of Sodor. Well yeah, it is magic! The Fat Controller explains that James is awesome because he is a mixed traffic engine. But, he needs some practice due to his accident. 

Edward once again reminds another engine, "To be careful with the coaches. They don't like being bumped." 

Edward knows where this heading

All the passengers at the station are admiring James. James get so excited he releases his excitement, I mean steam all over them and The Fat Controller, making his top hat wet. 

Well James, you sure know how to make things awkward.

Edward is joining James on his adventure. I wonder if it weird for James since Edward stole his face in a previous episode? I don't know if I would want to share a train with a face snatcher. 

James who is behind Edward, rushes Edward by pushing and bumping him out of the station. The coaches are also annoyed by this. So in a matter of minutes, James has ticked off The Fat Controller, Edward, and The Coaches.

On their first stop, they miss the platform at the station. And no one but James seems to know about The Fat Controller's hat.

I expected better from you, Edward

Onto the next stop, they see Thomas. Thomas is all about his branch line. No branch line is as important as his. Haven't we all worked with "that person"?

Edward and James move on. They pass the field where James had his accident. The set master has it fixed already. 

It may be fixed James but, the cows know.

At their last stop they rest. James can not rest as he is paranoid about what The Fat Controller is going to say to him about letting his excitement out all over his hat. 

It isn't until the next morning that James gets a talking to. The Fat Controller probably was in shock over getting engine excitement all over him. He decides that if James can't control his urges he will paint him blue.

But Fat Controller, if you paint me blue and Edward steals my face again we'll be twinzees!

Later that day, James takes his anger out on his coaches at the platform. The passengers see what a butt he is being and don't dare come near him. All while this is happening, James is becoming more and more jealous of Gordon. Which is funny because, I haven't seen Ol' Poop Poop anywhere. 

James pulls out of the station alone this time. He hurries his coaches along. The coaches say, "Oh hell no, James we aren't going to put up with your tude." and their brakes become hard on due James' abuse

Wait, that didn't sound right!

James' crew decides to repair the brake line with a boot lace and newspaper. They rob a passenger of their bootlace after much argument. They Macgyver it together and head off.

How in the heck does The Fat Controller keep any passengers? We are only 8 episodes in and we have seen some pretty insane screw ups. 

Please don't kill me over a boot lace

 Moral of story, listen to Edward.