Season 3 Episode 3: Time For Trouble

If you name an episode, "Time For Trouble" it has to be snark worthy!

It is still tourist season on Sodor. The Slave Driver is working his engines tail ends off. Gordon of course, is grumping at the coaches to pick it up. The Fat Controller has been extra demanding on him. He has been doing trains one after another. 

Being a nice slave driver, one particular day, The Fat Controller gives Gordon a break.

Psst.... James, is this a test of some kind?

He decides to have James do Gordon's work. (Aw, here it goes!)

James was thrilled to be doing Gordon's very important work. He wanted everyone to see that red coat of his and how fast he could be. (Wait, I figured it out. James is suppose to be for the red haired kids)

James rolls up to Toby. James goes all Gordon on Toby. He starts to brag about being so important. Toby really doesn't give a flying mongoose. 

As usual, The Fat Controller just appears out of nowhere.

I love the look on his porter's face. He is cereal.

He sends Toby to The Works to get his old man parts mended. Toby begs to brings Henrietta Pussycat with him. The Fat Controller is like, "Ah hell no!" and leaves. 

Toby on his way out, runs into Percy. Percy agrees to take care of Henrietta for him.

Toby makes his way down the mainline. Due to Toby being a tram, he has a hard time making it the full way without water. He begins to feel thirsty.

Toby makes it to a station with a water tower. He starts to fill up when a new signal man comes up. He needs the line clear for The Express. Toby has to fill up at the next station. Toby's driver tries to argue but, the noob will not agree to let him finish.

Elder abuse!

Toby was trying to hurry but, hurrying was using up more water then it should. Thanks to the noob signal man, Toby ran out water and became stranded on the mainline. 

Percy puffs up with Henrietta Pussycat. The Fireman flags him down and demands to be taken back to the station to warn James about Toby on the line. He should probably kick the signal man's butt too.

I'm up for an ass kicking.

James, still pretending to be Gordon, hears the news and all he can do is complain about being late. Never mind Toby, sitting on the tracks dehydrated. 

The noob signal man admits it was his fault. And James' driver informs James that he is going to have to push Toby. 

I don't want to be down wind from an old man.

James sets off, grumbling the whole time. He finds Toby and rather rudely bumps him and sets back off.  

They pull into The Works' station. James at this moment is pooped out. But the kids on the platform don't care. They begin to make fun of James by joking that it took two engines to pull The Express. 

Toby reassures James that they are only joking. But, James is ticked.

The moral of the story....

Kids are heartless...

Season 3 Episode 2: Percy's Promise

It is now summer time on Sodor. Seasons move very quickly there. The narrator explains that summer is tourist season. 

We find Thomas running children down the line near the coast. Thomas meets Percy at a station. Percy has some trucks for the harbor. Percy has child envy and wants to be able to take children instead of trucks. Thomas explains they are Sunday School children and by god, Percy can take them home. 

Where's Trevor?

Later that day, Percy runs into snobby Harold. Harold tells Percy he can not talk because he is on high alert due to weather. Percy tells off Harold in a tangent about being rail bound and he is able to go anywhere. He then steams off.

Percy then encounters Total Hottie Edward at his station. Edward is worried about the weather. (His old body is probably feeling it.) 

Percy states, "A  promise is a promise. And by the power of fruit salad, he'll deliver those children."

If my tender breaks, it means snow.

Tea time and it is pouring. Percy gather's Thomas' coaches and heads out with the kiddos. 

Percy struggles in the rain. Percy is unable to see where he is going. The river near the track is starting to swell. Percy runs down the track and right into flooded section of track.

Oh swizzle stick!

The water starts to put out his fire. The crew goes to the brake van and pleads for the guard to give up his floor boards. He gives in and they head out with the wood. Percy's fire was soon lit again.

The Fat Controller still doesn't give them a raise.

 Harold arrives, much to Percy's embarrassment. Harold drops something on his head. It's hot drinks. It would be better if it was alcohol but, nah this a children's show. Harold buzzed away.

Helicopter poop!

Percy starts up again, although struggling. His steam did not want to keep up but, he kept going. He arrived at the station exhausted. But, he kept his promise.

Thanks a lot, Thomas!

Thomas congratulates him. Harold flies in with the slave driver himself, The Fat Controller. The Fat Controller states that Harold told him he did a great job. And that Percy is a great submarine. 

Turd helicopter.

Season 3 Episode 1: A Scarf For Percy

Season 3 starts off a little cold. And by that, I mean it's a cold and windy winter on the Island Of Sodor. Thomas and Percy even have a hobo set up to keep them warm. 

And pet hobos to go with.

Thomas is complaining that fire lighter is late. Percy states that the cold actually woke them up early. The two decide to talk about something else besides the cold. Percy wants to talk about sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. You know warm things. Then it happens, scarves pop in Percy's brain. Thomas teases Percy for the idea and of course, Percy thinks Thomas said it was great. 

Fierce! 

Meanwhile at The Fat Controller's house, he is enjoying breakfast in his nice warm house, while his engines are dyeing from the cold.  His wife has ironed his brand new special pants for some VIPs visiting his railway. The Fat Controller plans to change at the station into his bulge enhancing pants. 

There they are, my special egg plant pants.

Percy at this time, is out doing his work. His mind is not on work though. Nope he is thinking about scarves. All around, the stations he sees people wearing them. 

He then puffs up to Henry and starts to whine about wanting a scarf. Henry pretty much says it is stupid. Percy retorts by mentioning that his funnel is long suitable for scarves and Henry has short funnel. <---- Insert Penis Joke. Percy then puffs away.

ExtenZe, Henry?

Henry is set to pull a special train. While the VIPs are on the platform taking pictures. The Fat Controller is also on the platform waiting to change into his pimping pants. 

He was also prairie dogging it.

The pants are on a baggage cart being pulled across the rails. (Oh what can happen?) 

Percy on the other hand, is still being a cheeky monkey. Percy was just outside the station and he wanted to prank the coaches. He started to sneak in quietly to surprise them. And guess what? The porters didn't hear him come in either. Percy runs right into the luggage cart. Clothes and boxes go flying. 

I saw that coming a mile away.

Even some jam was flying. The jam lands on Percy, the passengers, and The Fat Controller. Percy had extra baggage on him too for bonus points. He had a top hat on his buffer and The Fat Controller's pants on his funnel. 

Wild night?

The Fat Controller is ticked off, he grabs his top hat from Percy's buffer. He starts to lecture Percy on playing tricks. And for the first time I remember, reimburses his passengers for their ruined clothes. 

Percy backs off to the yard. Percy passes James on the way there. James makes fun of Percy for his new pants scarf. James then leaves to spread the word of what a dumb ass Percy is.

Percy should have brought up the tar.

That night, Thomas and Percy are resting in the shed. Percy's driver hosed down Percy and he was looking marvelous. 

Henry puffs in and tells Percy, "It is going to warmer tomorrow he won't need a scarf."

Percy replies he doesn't need one.

My funnel is still bigger then yours.

The End Of Season/Series 2: The Snarkies!

As I stated in The End Of Season/Series 1 write up, I would really like to do something different at the end of each season. For Season 2, I decided to hand out awards, The SNARKIES, if you will. So without further to do, Jane Slicker presents THE SNARKIES.

Best New Character

Duck

I'm so shocked!

I choose Duck for the simple reason, that he had a real rough introduction. From the bigger engines bullying him, Diesel antics, to wrecking into a barber shop. And after all this, he is just a likable guy.

Best Villain

Diesel

Meh....

Diesel gets the win for the sheer evil he is. He even has the most sinister theme music to go with it. Diesel truly is the most sneakiest snake on Sodor. 

Best Set Of Twins

Donald And Douglas

They're a little nervous that Kayne is going to show up and give The Snarky to Beyonce.

An easy win over Bill and Ben. The brotherly love these two have for each other is heartwarming.  Douglas not being able to live without his brother. And Donald, possibly sacrificing himself for scrap for his brother. These two deserve my Snarky Award.

Best Jerk

James

James likes to make an entrance

It was a tie up between James and Gordon for me. But, I decided to give it to James. Why? Well because, he seems to join in with Gordon and Henry to be a big boy. And he really grinds my gears. 

Best Non Engine Character

Bertie

Bertie, get back here and get your Snarky!

I really like Bertie. His design calls me. Maybe, I am a bus nut? 

Best Make Up

Daisy

Add the stripper music!

Daisy is the Kim Kardashian of Sodor, so of course she is getting the Snarky for best make up. She is also the winner for best swerves. 

Best Crash

Percy

Glorious! 

There were many great crashes in this season, with all the buildings built on the end of the rails. I have to give it Percy though. He crashed with grace. When hit that brake van, he had a great bounce and landing.

Best Couple

Edward & Trevor

Trevor is disappointed he didn't win any children.

The story between Edward and Trevor is touching. The friendship between them is worthy of The Snarky.

Best Crazy Thomas Face

Thomas was drinking before the show.

Yep, that one! You knew it was the winner!

Most Underused Character This Season

Henry

And he even made derp eyes for us!

We didn't really see a lot of Henry this season. If we did, he was grumping. I actually enjoy the character of Henry so, it was a little bit of a disappointment for me. 

Best Death Scene

The Spiteful Brake Van

RIP

He did have it coming though. Lesson to take from this, don't be a spiteful brake van.

And that will do it for The SNARKIES. Join Thomas The Snark Engine in snarking on Season/Series 3 next. We will see duck abuse, engines with silly scarves, dragons, tree hugging, and much more!

Season 2 Episode 26: Thomas and The Missing Christmas Tree

It is Dec 23 on the Island of Sodor. The engines are expecting a lot of children and The Fat Controller has his knickers in a bunch to have a great Carol Party. 

The Fat Controller commissions Thomas to gather the Christmas Tree. Thomas pleads to be able to sing carols this year again. The Fat Controller isn't sure if he wants to give Thomas that pleasure. He just gives the old, "We'll see" excuse.

Maybe if you being me back, Mrs. Claus....

Thomas collected the tree with no problem. But, we all know that can not last. On the way back, Thomas runs straight into a slow drift. 

Daaaaaaaammnit!

Thomas begins to panic about being late and The Fat Controller relying on him. Thomas tried to get out but, doing so causes more snow to fall on him.

The other engines, back in civilization where beginning to get angry over Thomas being late.  The Fat Controller interrupts saying that we assume Thomas is stuck or drinking egg nog. Donald and Douglas set off to rescue Thomas.

Spot the stolen faces.

The twins find a huge drift. The snow pile starts to scream, "Help!" One must assume it's Thomas. Donald and Douglas work to free Thomas.

Thomas had it coming.

Once out, the trio sets off to finish the trip. It was night time when they arrived. The Fat Controller and the other engines are waiting for them. The Fat Controller rewards the engines with letting them sing carols.

At the big station, everyone was gathered.

Even Diesel... that grinch.

The Fat Controller starts to MC it from behind a golden podium. He is interrupted by Harold hoovering above him. He brought Santa Claus. Show off!

I'm Harold and I need attention. 

And we end with, Happy Christmas everyone!

Tomorrow I will be handing out awards for The Best Of Season 2.

Season 2 Episode 25: Woolly Bear

It's hay fever season on Sodor! The grass is being cut along the tracks. Percy often stops at where they have been working to gather the hay. He then takes it to the station, where Toby takes it to the farmers.

This annoys Thomas.

Percy is still picking on Thomas for thinking he is a ghost. Percy gives a ghostly whistle. Thomas back to his insulting ways calls Percy ugly. (YES!) Thomas goes on to call Percy a caterpillar. He even suggests he crawls like one too since he has been late every day that week. Percy explains it is from gathering hay. Percy has enough with Thomas' grumpiness and sets off to gather hay to take to the harbor.

At the harbor, a crate of Treacle was dangling precariously above Percy head. And then WHAM-O right on the melon.

I had to look up what Treacle is. Anyone else?

The crew tries to wash down Percy but, he was still sticky when he left. As luck would have it, the wind started to pick up. Painting Percy with hay. Percy's wheels began to slip due to the hay on the line. Percy had to stop and wait for the line to clear before setting off again. 

Thomas is waiting for Percy at the station. Thomas begins to go on a rant about how he is so great and Percy is late slacker. On cue, Percy arrives. He looks so ridiculous the passengers laugh at him.

Even the old lady...

Percy apologizes for being late. Thomas is having none of that. He calls Percy a caterpillar and says it was worth being late to see Percy's ugly caterpillar face.

Percy heads to the shed and his driver shows him his new look. Percy pleads to be cleaned before Toby sees him. But nah, Toby does thanks to Thomas. (Man, I missed butthole Thomas)

Thomas and Toby tease Percy all night about being a caterpillar. 

Call Toby old, get even Percy.

Season 2 Episode 24: Ghost Train

It's a scary time on the Island Of Sodor. I can tell by the music and this lovely night time scene. That and the narrator tells us.

Boo!

Every year, on a date of an accident a engine runs again as a warning.

I couldn't help it!

Turns out Percy was the one telling this story. He is reciting it to Toby and Thomas. He swears his driver saw it last night. Thomas and Toby call rubbish. But, Percy insists it makes his wheels shudder.

The next morning, the driver confesses it was all a ghost he saw on TV. 

You mean you get to go home and relax?

That evening Percy is heading home from the harbor. He knew where he was going even if it was dark. Well he is on rails...

On the rails a broken lime cart was ahead. Percy ran right into it. He was white as, a ghost! 

Poof! Doesn't that stuff eat your skin? Is Percy's face even skin?

Percy went on to the nearest signal box where Toby was waiting. The signal man gives Percy the idea to run around like a ghost and scare Thomas. Toby wanted to help.

Toby sneaks up on Thomas while he is being lubricated. Toby tells Thomas that Percy has been in accident. Thomas of course is more concerned about this causing him to be late. Toby explains they cleared the line for him. Toby also leaves a little nugget of seeing Percy's ghost. Thomas tries to act tough.

Toby looks so weird. I can not put my finger on it.

Percy comes up to the shed and does his best ghost voice demanding to be let in. Toby plays along with it, spooking Thomas. Percy breaks down the door. Thomas gasps and runs off like a pussy.

Or he is gasping that I am having a hard time snarking this episode. 

Thomas did not return until morning. Toby questions him on where he has been. Thomas claims he wanted to let Toby grieve over the lost of Percy.

Suddenly, the sound of Percy's ghost appear. Thomas leaves as soon as he can. Percy waits for Thomas to leave and delighted with glee that Thomas is scared shitless.  The episode ends with Thomas never finding out Percy is not dead. That's the greatest joke. 

Season 2 Episode 23: Edward's Exploit

Bertie has been off tooting around giving tours of Sodor. Today is the last afternoon of the tourists' visit and total hottie Edward is scheduled to take them to the China Clay Works to met Bill And Ben. But, Edward is having old man issues to today. He is struggling to start his train.

I should have took my multi vitamins. 

Of course, Henry, James, and Gordon are there to mock him. They are really into tearing down old men. They visit the Sodor Senior Home just to practice on them before the make fun of Edward. 

Duck points out the obvious that Edward is better then any of them. Boco agrees. With the extra encouragement Edward starts to pull out of the station, minus his eyebrows. 

Edward if you don't stop keeping your eyebrows on, you are going to loose your status as Total Hottie.

Edward arrives at the Clay Works to let the passengers see Bill and Ben. We find that Bill and Ben love the paparazzi. They love the flash of cameras in their faces and the glamour of it. They even like every good celebrity engine should, take the tourists on a break van special. 

Bill tipped them off.

We have a montage of Bill and Ben touring around their adoring fans. Everyone seems to be having a great time. Bill and Ben head back to give the tourists back to Edward.

On the way home, the weather began to turn rainy and stormy. Well, they are near England. Edward's sanding gear failed. His fireman had to ride up front sanding the line.

No fair, I want to stand there!

Edward's wheels began to slip and he breaks something. I vote broken hip!  Edward needs a walker in his advice age. He is still a cutie though. I like them old.

Edward's crew gets out to examine the damage. Edward has broken his crank pin. They take his side rods off and explain he'll have to run like an old fashioned engine. Edward promises to try to get them home.

Edward old boy, you're getting Life Alert for Christmas.

Edward struggles to start again. Edward's crew gets out and starts to make adjustments on the coaches to help Eddie out. They loosen the couplings so Edward can pick his coaches up one by one. 

Edward starts up again and he slowly gets his train moving. Edward being a cute old man/engine, chants, "He's done it!"

You go Edward!

Edward arrives at night in Knapford. Understandably, he is exhausted. Henry is waiting for him to gather the visitors. The Fat Controller is angry that Edward is late. Geez, cut him a break he is a golden oldie. The passengers cheer and thank the crew.

At the sheds that night, Duck and Boco made sure Edward was treated like the gem he is. 

James looks like he's been sniffing glue.