Update

Sorry for the delay in posting, life has seemed to derail. My husband has been in and out of hospitals in multiple states due to a staph infection on top of Renal Cell Carcinoma. When things get close to settling down enough to resume writing this blog, I will set down and get my snark on. Thanks and sorry for the wait. My life is full of confusion and delay right now.

Season 5 Episode 6: Gordon And The Gremlin

Sorry for the delay on posts. My husband is once again sick. Maybe his whole problem is gremlins.

At Egg McMuffin time in the morning, the firelighter is trying his best to light Gordon's fire. But, it is being very difficult. The firelight suggests that Gordon has the case of gremlins. 

Percy overhears and questions Thomas on what exactly are gremlins. Thomas goes on to explain that they are little sexy green men who cause havoc. 

James of course, interrupts with the whole they're not real thing. And the bickering commences. 

What would the sheds be without a daily fight?

And out of nowhere, The Fat Controller arrives to shut up the engines. He goes on with the lecture telling all his engines to behave, he has a VIP coming in. 

Percy being his ditzy self, let's loose with a joke about gremlins. This does not amuse The Fat Dictator at all. Percy tattles on Gordon about his fire not lighting and The Fat Controller makes it his mission to see about it.

Someone didn't get their iced bun this morning.

The Fat Controller looks into it and starts to lay into Gordon about behaving. (How is this his fault?) He sets out the order that Gordon is going to be pulling this VIP in a special coach. So, no speeding today Gordon.

Later that day, Gordon is waiting for his coaches when Percy pulls up along side of him. Percy teases Gordon about being late. Gordon grumpily, replies that there is a gremlin in the turntable and his coach is stuck.

No gremlins, but I see model men.

Once the table was mended, Gordon puts on his important face and gathers his coach. He then runs his butt off to make time.

At the station when Gordon arrives, The Fat Controller is a little nervous. He is looking for Thomas, (Who else?) he has the visitor who arrived from the docks. 

Thomas arrives and give some nervous excuses about a cow on the line. But golly gee wiz, he is here now with the VIP.

Please don't whip me.

The engines discuss who this person could be? They mention that The Fat Controller is all over her like a dog on a t-bone. Thomas even mentions that The Fat Controller is holding a party for her later. Percy notes that the VIP has a dog with her. He finishes his sentence with a weird "woof woof".

A very sad dog.

Gordon leaves the station complaining about Thomas being late. His driver decides to make up for lost time. They have gone down an old line and it is very bouncy from age. This rocks the VIP, who for some reason was taking a bath in the coach, back and forth. 

Gordon arrives at the last station with the VIP. Thomas was already waiting for the train and The Fat Controller. Gordon was so thrilled to have made it to the station that he let out a big whistle. This scared the woman's dog and it ran away for mercy.

Or it saw a squirrel...

The dog ends up in a field where a big bull was munching down on grass. The bull moos and snorts at the dog and scares it off again. 

I'm surprised they put balls on it.

The dog runs back towards the station and on the platform. But that wasn't enough for it. He then sprinted across the bridge. The dog then hops into Thomas' cab. (Even a random dog is kissing his ass at this point.) The crew just decide to screw it and head to the docks with a dog in tow.

At the docks, the crew asks about the dog name. The VIP decides to take away the dog's identity and rename it Gremlin. The Fat Controller laughs about it in a Santa Claus kind of way.

Thomas interrupts by asking who is this very gorgeous VIP?

You can't tell Thomas?

The Fat Controller introduces his mother. And gives us the very useless, oops useful engine bull we hear every episode. And the episode ends with a very odd, "woof woof" once again added in.

You can blame all your bad looks on your mother.

Season 5 Episode 5: James And The Trouble With Trees

Mr. Thomas has been workin' in the coal mine goin' on down, down. He is filthy and all he wants is a bath. But, his driver can't allow that. The hose pipe is down. Thomas begrudgingly heads home to the sheds. 

Why must you sing at my expense?

At the sheds, no one notices that Thomas is a filthy burritos. James, Henry, and Gordon are too busy arguing over who is the pride of the line. *cough, Edward* Excuse me, any how James insists that he is getting a new coat of paint due to The Fat Controller being in love with him. 

Percy explains all this to Thomas, who of course gets jealous. James over hears Thomas' rant and chews him out for looking like scum.

While James was being repainted the next day, good ol' Henry has a little accident. He derails his load of trucks.

Just another day on Sodor.

James who is on a siding, begins to run his mouth about how horrible Henry is at working his trucks. James suggests that Henry go talk to his little tree friends instead of working. 

Henry then puts the curse on James by mentioning that The Fat Controller is looking for trees to close to the line and they will be cut down. 

James insists that he would just run over the trees, like the red neck engine he dreams to be.

Such a smug little asshole

Later that day, James is all painted up and showing off his paint. Percy tired of James' runny mouth, tells him that he wouldn't be such a smug ass if I tree fell on him. (Oh please!)

Terence throws in the double whammy of telling James to be careful. Which James shrugs off and leaves to pull The Express.

Paaaaaaaahhhhh!

Instead once James arrives at the platform, The Fat Controller instructs James to pull a heavy goods train. James tries to weasel his way out of it by using his new paint as an excuse. But, it doesn't work. 

James arrives at the yard to pick up his trucks. The weather has changed for the worst and the trucks are in their mood. One even calls James ugly.

High five!

James sets off. He goes through the woods and up hill. And much to my delight, an old tree by the line is shaking and the ground is slipping. (Come to mama) The tree slide right on rails.

Unfortunately, James stops in time before wrecking. 

Dammit!

They try to reverse James back down the hill but, he was too heavy. Then a cry from a whistle is heard. James' driver cries, "It's Thomas!" Once again, Thomas arrives to save James' ass.

James assumes that Thomas will tease him too. But, Thomas doesn't care he unlike me, is worried about the tree slamming down on James. Thomas pulls James back and the tree falls.

Dammit again!

That evening, James and Thomas have a heart to heart. James confesses that Percy and Terence were correct to warn him. And he thanks Thomas. 

Holy crap, Total Hottie Edward has just arrived! Thank you, thank you! This is my reward for writing this James post!

Edward informs them that they are being rewarded. Thomas is getting new paint and James is going to get to pull The Express. And everyone was like, Yay!

Edward, you made it totally worth sitting through a James episode. 

Season 5 Episode 4: Lady Hatt's Birthday Party

Thomas and Percy are waiting on at the station, when a friend we have not seen for awhile shows up. It's Bertie. Bertie asks the the two engines, "If they noticed that The Fat Controller seems different to them?"

Percy agrees that he seems a little spacey lately. He was staring at the clouds as if he was in love. 

I just love ice buns so much!

At The Fat Controller's house, we find that it is his fine lady's birthday. The Fat Controller tries on his new outfit he bought for the occasion. Lady Hatt finds him irresistible in his new suit. She couldn't wait for her party where she could stare at him all night. Lady Hatt reminds him not to be late for her party. She wants that grand finale present.

Mmm... I can't wait for the celebration!

Later that day, The Fat Controller is all dressed up in the new suit, which looks like the usual one. The Station Master tries his best not to burst his bubble on that one and tells him he looks smoking. The Fat Controller explains that he is going to take the car to the party since all his engines are tied up. The Station Master questions whether his car is in good shape or not. The Fat Controller makes the mistake of saying yes.

Yeah I'm not seeing much of a difference.

The Fat Controller takes off in his Hatt Mobile. While driving it, he hits a big pot hole and gets a flat. He complains that if he changes his wheel, his suit will be all dirty and he'll never get laid.

Maybe you should watch the road better?

Caroline arrives at the scene. The Fat Controller asks if Caroline can give him a lift to the party? Caroline agrees. (Wait, why does she talk but, his car doesn't?)

Caroline takes off in a hurry. She began to overheat due to being menopausal and breaks down. Just up the road George rolls in. He starts to turn angry over the sight of Caroline. George begins to insult her. His driver on the other hand, was way more polite and offered The Fat Controller a ride to Thomas. (Of course)

They had a history.

While riding on George, The Fat Controller began to be splashed with oil. His suit was being ruined. But, it was about to get worst. George had went out of control and slid right into a mud patch. Throwing the Fat Controller into it.

Now, I'll never get laid.

Just as luck would have it, Thomas was up above taking on water. Thomas' driver asks The Fat Controller if he needed any help? The Fat Controller explains that he needs a ride to the party. But, unfortunately Thomas' fireman is sick. The Fat Controller decides to try to give it a shot anyhow and he'll be the fireman. Because hell, why does it matter anymore? 

The Fat Controller soon finds out what it is like to be one of the little people. He was soon even more dirtier. 

He even cries about it.

They soon arrive at the station. The Fat Controller looks at the clock and sees that he had made it just in time. He quickly buys some flowers to try to save grace. 

At the party, Lady Hatt is waiting for him. The Fat Controller makes a grand entrance through the door, like it is his birthday. He then gives the flowers to his wife. She makes a comment about how scrubby her husband looks and the crowd laughs. 

Then the upper class counties her birthday celebration.

Dirty looking people are funny.

Season 5 Episode 3: A Better View For Gordon

Gordon is in one of his moods, which was rubbing James the wrong way. James asks Gordon, "What is up his butt, today?"

Gordon lays into James for asking. He explains that he is a great big engine and he has to the right to moody and complain. James on the other hand, is small and he doesn't matter.

Percy butts in, with his dumb remarks about not understanding what is being said. (Yes, Percy is slowly going down to that point of no return.) James goes as far to put it as, Percy is ditz. 

Gordon vows to show them all what a big engine can do. He then puffs away angrily.

Jane Slicker is also in a mood.

Later that day, The Fat Controller speaks to Gordon about making a stop at the new station with an empty Express. He wants Gordon to test it out. 

Gordon complains that Henry should do it, since he like idling at stations. The Fat Controller then tells Gordon to shut his fat engine mouth and do what he is told.

If you don't I am going to make you bunk with Thomas all alone.

Gordon heads out. He started to feel ill while doing his run. His driver explains to Gordon that he needs to go to The Works, he is all clogged up. 

No wonder Gordon is pissy, he needs some Exlax

Gordon arrives at the new station but, he is not impressed. The station is too plain for him. The wall in front of his was just off white and there was buffers for him to stare at. Gordon insists that he needs a panoramic view because, he is as important as royalty. 

I would paint a portrait of Pee-Wee Herman on it.

Gordon is thrilled when it is time to leave. His driver mentions that now, Gordon can have all the fun he wants, as long as his pipes keep going.

Gordon now out on the line, was pushing himself to go fast. He also started this whole denial thing with being sick. Then Gordon blows. He slowly comes to a halt. 

My clogged pipes!

His crew inspects him and come to the conclusion that something broke inside of Gordon. (It is called his cold heart.) They insist that he will have to go to The Works for sure now. 

James arrives to gather Gordon's coaches. And of course, James had to stop to rub it into Gordon's face. It just wouldn't be right to not do it. 

No one on Sodor gets way with any mistakes without being mocked.

A few days later, Gordon returned from The Works. Gordon is still in his mood. He brags while on the turntable that his is the best engine on the island. 

The Fat Controller arrives to gather Gordon for the official opening of the new station. 

Gordon speeds down the line towards the new station. As they approached the station, they discover that Gordon's brakes have become jammed. They couldn't slow Gordon down in time, he then smashed through the plain wall at the station.

It would have great if he would have flown.

The crew and The Fat Controller, looking quit beat up , get into one of those platform cranes to speak to Gordon. The Fat Controller tells Gordon, this was not the way to get his view. 

Hello Gordon, would you like to play with us?

Gordon is sent off The Works again. Once he came back this time, he takes The Fat Controller to the station for the second grand opening. He arrives with no incidents this time.

The Fat Controller gets out and speaks to Gordon. He had the scene of the accident turned into a window in the shape of Gordon's fat face. Gordon loves this and will probably never let anyone else forget it.

The paint is kind of messed up there, boys.

Season 5 Episode 2: Horrid Lorry

Looks like we are in for more Cranky fun. Today he is bitching at Percy for being late. Percy explains that he has been running late due to to all the work to do on the island. Cranky suggests that the engines should be replaced by lorries or trucks, for us Americans. Percy's eyes nearly rolled out of his head over the shock of such a suggestion. 

Don't worry there little guy, you can work on a Heritage Railroad.

Percy heads off to spread to gospel of Cranky to the other engines at the shed. They all dismiss Percy's fear. Unlike Percy, the know the show is called Thomas The Tank Engine and they aren't going anywhere. 

Soon enough, Percy's fears come true, 3 lorries appear. They were being unloaded from a ship in the harbor. 

Flying lorries!

Cranky nearly pees himself with glee over this. Percy arrives to be loaded up. Cranky starts to mock Percy that his job is gone. He then informs Percy that one of the lorries would like to have chat with him

The Lorry calls Percy a steaming pile of scrap iron and shoos him away. Percy was the most upset at being called this and rolls off.

You know he is a bad ass with his whiskers.

Percy then later sees Thomas and James. Another one of the lorries was laying into them. The lorry then turns his attention to Percy. He calls him a little green goblin on wheels and states that he will be scrapped. The lorry the drives off. 

Thomas starts to complain over the rudeness of the lorry. James agrees.

Someone should put sugar in his tank.

Meanwhile with little Toby, a lorry has arrived to harass him too. The lorry points out that Toby should be a museum. Toby replies with the very useful engine line we all know. The Lorry in which tells him to tootle along. Toby's driver breaks it up and sends Toby to the flour mill.

This is the angriest I ever seen Toby.

At the flour mill, Toby had found that he has been replaced there too. His driver decides to head out to the farms. He has an idea that they will be needed and loved there.

Toby's railway runs through a gorge. While Toby could go through, vehicles have to take a long winding road around. Toby had arrived at the gorge, he sees the lorry from the quarry with a load of rocks on the pass. The lorry was out of control. The lorry then drives off the road.

Toby's reaction was priceless.

I hope they don't pin me.

The lorry's driver was thrown from the vehicle. He obviously was not wearing a seat belt. How he survived is a good question.

He could have also been drunk too.

The lorry was taken to the docks to be recycled into a soda can, I presume. Percy sees the lorry at the dock and teases the lorry about being a steaming pile of scrap. The lorry insists he'll make a comeback.

Butch the tow truck, arrives with the lorry at the flour mill. Turns out this lorry had broke down from being overloaded. 

James arrives whistling, he had seen the third lorry on the barge. This one had reversed himself into the sea. 

Thomas then arrives to laugh at their misfortune. He calls them the "Brothers Grimm".

I would have called them, The Dip Shits.

The lorries never returned to the island. They are now being drank from and then recycled again. Maybe, one day they'll turn into an airplane and return. 

Season 5 Episode 1: Cranky Bugs

It's time to dig into season 5. And it starts with Thomas and Percy being in bad moods. It all has to do with a cranky crane named Cranky. (Yay, another angry soul on Sodor!) His main character trait is to complain and call Percy and Thomas, "useless little bugs". 

Aw Cranky, I kind of like you for picking on Thomas.

Cranky starts to give the two some business on where they position the trucks. This really grinds Thomas' gears. And he fights back. Cranky is not about to take any lip from a bug and he drops the load of wood he was carrying in front of Thomas and Percy. 

Oh shit!

Later in the day, the two engines met up with Gordon and James to narc on Cranky. Gordon replies with the most true thing ever stated on the island. He replies, "Cranes need attention, just like me." (Gordon knows he is fickle)

James seems to think it is due to Cranky being in the elements looking at Thomas and Percy being annoying and that is why he calls them bugs. And with that James nailed it.

James, you spoke and didn't annoy me. The world is ending.

Cranky hears about the conversation with James and Gordon and it quit pleased with the two of them agreeing with him. His ego had swelled and he then became even more bitter and bossy. 

Percy had become very upset over Cranky's attitude and he then looses his mind. He pushes some trucks closer to Cranky to load, all the while the crane is bitching at him. Percy pushed them too far ahead do to the rage boiling up in him. Cranky then dropped the cargo on Percy's head. (I really did laugh out loud.)

Thud!

Next up is Thomas to be creamed. Cranky demands that Thomas push his trucks on the outside tracks. Thomas begrudgingly does so. Cranky then drops the load right next to the trucks. (Really, what you did to Percy was a lot more eviler.) Cranky laughs and complains that Thomas knew better that he couldn't reach that line.

Thomas and Percy meet with The Fat Controller, who was angry at the confusion and delay. He rips apart Percy and Thomas over everything that happened. He then sends the two the shed to think about how they made Cranky's job difficult. (I never get why the engines never speak up for themselves when they are blamed for the pranks and accidents they didn't cause?)

That's the old Fat Controller we all love.

That night, a storm rolls in. Gordon, Duck, James, and Henry at stuck at the shed at the harbor. An old steamer ship is on the prowl running loose. It digs through the dock and heads right towards the shed the four are staying in. It collapses the shed and knocks down Cranky. 

This right here is why I am afraid of ships.

The Fat Controller arrives and ganders at the destruction. He decides to have Thomas and Percy head out to help put up Cranky. He'll then have Cranky dig out the other engines out of the shed.

But, I have a headache.

Cranky tells on himself to The Fat Controller. He admits that he was rude to Thomas and Percy all along. The Fat Controller, just now figuring out his mistake decides he owes Thomas and Percy an apology and a couple of kisses.

Thomas and Percy arrive at the scene. The two get Cranky on his feet. Cranky then began the job of clearing the shed. Once Cranky had the shed off the four engines, Gordon begins to kiss Cranky's ass. Cranky admits that he couldn't have done it with those b b b b b b uuuuuggg..... small engines. 

Cranky then rudely asks Thomas and Percy to move. Percy becomes uber pissed and moves while still attached to cranky. And once, again Cranky is on the ground. 

Percy that was the best move ever.

We end the story with Cranky still being cranky. But, he doesn't call them bugs anymore so, there's a positive.