Season 5 Episode 6: Gordon And The Gremlin

Sorry for the delay on posts. My husband is once again sick. Maybe his whole problem is gremlins.

At Egg McMuffin time in the morning, the firelighter is trying his best to light Gordon's fire. But, it is being very difficult. The firelight suggests that Gordon has the case of gremlins. 

Percy overhears and questions Thomas on what exactly are gremlins. Thomas goes on to explain that they are little sexy green men who cause havoc. 

James of course, interrupts with the whole they're not real thing. And the bickering commences. 

What would the sheds be without a daily fight?

And out of nowhere, The Fat Controller arrives to shut up the engines. He goes on with the lecture telling all his engines to behave, he has a VIP coming in. 

Percy being his ditzy self, let's loose with a joke about gremlins. This does not amuse The Fat Dictator at all. Percy tattles on Gordon about his fire not lighting and The Fat Controller makes it his mission to see about it.

Someone didn't get their iced bun this morning.

The Fat Controller looks into it and starts to lay into Gordon about behaving. (How is this his fault?) He sets out the order that Gordon is going to be pulling this VIP in a special coach. So, no speeding today Gordon.

Later that day, Gordon is waiting for his coaches when Percy pulls up along side of him. Percy teases Gordon about being late. Gordon grumpily, replies that there is a gremlin in the turntable and his coach is stuck.

No gremlins, but I see model men.

Once the table was mended, Gordon puts on his important face and gathers his coach. He then runs his butt off to make time.

At the station when Gordon arrives, The Fat Controller is a little nervous. He is looking for Thomas, (Who else?) he has the visitor who arrived from the docks. 

Thomas arrives and give some nervous excuses about a cow on the line. But golly gee wiz, he is here now with the VIP.

Please don't whip me.

The engines discuss who this person could be? They mention that The Fat Controller is all over her like a dog on a t-bone. Thomas even mentions that The Fat Controller is holding a party for her later. Percy notes that the VIP has a dog with her. He finishes his sentence with a weird "woof woof".

A very sad dog.

Gordon leaves the station complaining about Thomas being late. His driver decides to make up for lost time. They have gone down an old line and it is very bouncy from age. This rocks the VIP, who for some reason was taking a bath in the coach, back and forth. 

Gordon arrives at the last station with the VIP. Thomas was already waiting for the train and The Fat Controller. Gordon was so thrilled to have made it to the station that he let out a big whistle. This scared the woman's dog and it ran away for mercy.

Or it saw a squirrel...

The dog ends up in a field where a big bull was munching down on grass. The bull moos and snorts at the dog and scares it off again. 

I'm surprised they put balls on it.

The dog runs back towards the station and on the platform. But that wasn't enough for it. He then sprinted across the bridge. The dog then hops into Thomas' cab. (Even a random dog is kissing his ass at this point.) The crew just decide to screw it and head to the docks with a dog in tow.

At the docks, the crew asks about the dog name. The VIP decides to take away the dog's identity and rename it Gremlin. The Fat Controller laughs about it in a Santa Claus kind of way.

Thomas interrupts by asking who is this very gorgeous VIP?

You can't tell Thomas?

The Fat Controller introduces his mother. And gives us the very useless, oops useful engine bull we hear every episode. And the episode ends with a very odd, "woof woof" once again added in.

You can blame all your bad looks on your mother.

Season 5 Episode 5: James And The Trouble With Trees

Mr. Thomas has been workin' in the coal mine goin' on down, down. He is filthy and all he wants is a bath. But, his driver can't allow that. The hose pipe is down. Thomas begrudgingly heads home to the sheds. 

Why must you sing at my expense?

At the sheds, no one notices that Thomas is a filthy burritos. James, Henry, and Gordon are too busy arguing over who is the pride of the line. *cough, Edward* Excuse me, any how James insists that he is getting a new coat of paint due to The Fat Controller being in love with him. 

Percy explains all this to Thomas, who of course gets jealous. James over hears Thomas' rant and chews him out for looking like scum.

While James was being repainted the next day, good ol' Henry has a little accident. He derails his load of trucks.

Just another day on Sodor.

James who is on a siding, begins to run his mouth about how horrible Henry is at working his trucks. James suggests that Henry go talk to his little tree friends instead of working. 

Henry then puts the curse on James by mentioning that The Fat Controller is looking for trees to close to the line and they will be cut down. 

James insists that he would just run over the trees, like the red neck engine he dreams to be.

Such a smug little asshole

Later that day, James is all painted up and showing off his paint. Percy tired of James' runny mouth, tells him that he wouldn't be such a smug ass if I tree fell on him. (Oh please!)

Terence throws in the double whammy of telling James to be careful. Which James shrugs off and leaves to pull The Express.

Paaaaaaaahhhhh!

Instead once James arrives at the platform, The Fat Controller instructs James to pull a heavy goods train. James tries to weasel his way out of it by using his new paint as an excuse. But, it doesn't work. 

James arrives at the yard to pick up his trucks. The weather has changed for the worst and the trucks are in their mood. One even calls James ugly.

High five!

James sets off. He goes through the woods and up hill. And much to my delight, an old tree by the line is shaking and the ground is slipping. (Come to mama) The tree slide right on rails.

Unfortunately, James stops in time before wrecking. 

Dammit!

They try to reverse James back down the hill but, he was too heavy. Then a cry from a whistle is heard. James' driver cries, "It's Thomas!" Once again, Thomas arrives to save James' ass.

James assumes that Thomas will tease him too. But, Thomas doesn't care he unlike me, is worried about the tree slamming down on James. Thomas pulls James back and the tree falls.

Dammit again!

That evening, James and Thomas have a heart to heart. James confesses that Percy and Terence were correct to warn him. And he thanks Thomas. 

Holy crap, Total Hottie Edward has just arrived! Thank you, thank you! This is my reward for writing this James post!

Edward informs them that they are being rewarded. Thomas is getting new paint and James is going to get to pull The Express. And everyone was like, Yay!

Edward, you made it totally worth sitting through a James episode. 

Season 5 Episode 3: A Better View For Gordon

Gordon is in one of his moods, which was rubbing James the wrong way. James asks Gordon, "What is up his butt, today?"

Gordon lays into James for asking. He explains that he is a great big engine and he has to the right to moody and complain. James on the other hand, is small and he doesn't matter.

Percy butts in, with his dumb remarks about not understanding what is being said. (Yes, Percy is slowly going down to that point of no return.) James goes as far to put it as, Percy is ditz. 

Gordon vows to show them all what a big engine can do. He then puffs away angrily.

Jane Slicker is also in a mood.

Later that day, The Fat Controller speaks to Gordon about making a stop at the new station with an empty Express. He wants Gordon to test it out. 

Gordon complains that Henry should do it, since he like idling at stations. The Fat Controller then tells Gordon to shut his fat engine mouth and do what he is told.

If you don't I am going to make you bunk with Thomas all alone.

Gordon heads out. He started to feel ill while doing his run. His driver explains to Gordon that he needs to go to The Works, he is all clogged up. 

No wonder Gordon is pissy, he needs some Exlax

Gordon arrives at the new station but, he is not impressed. The station is too plain for him. The wall in front of his was just off white and there was buffers for him to stare at. Gordon insists that he needs a panoramic view because, he is as important as royalty. 

I would paint a portrait of Pee-Wee Herman on it.

Gordon is thrilled when it is time to leave. His driver mentions that now, Gordon can have all the fun he wants, as long as his pipes keep going.

Gordon now out on the line, was pushing himself to go fast. He also started this whole denial thing with being sick. Then Gordon blows. He slowly comes to a halt. 

My clogged pipes!

His crew inspects him and come to the conclusion that something broke inside of Gordon. (It is called his cold heart.) They insist that he will have to go to The Works for sure now. 

James arrives to gather Gordon's coaches. And of course, James had to stop to rub it into Gordon's face. It just wouldn't be right to not do it. 

No one on Sodor gets way with any mistakes without being mocked.

A few days later, Gordon returned from The Works. Gordon is still in his mood. He brags while on the turntable that his is the best engine on the island. 

The Fat Controller arrives to gather Gordon for the official opening of the new station. 

Gordon speeds down the line towards the new station. As they approached the station, they discover that Gordon's brakes have become jammed. They couldn't slow Gordon down in time, he then smashed through the plain wall at the station.

It would have great if he would have flown.

The crew and The Fat Controller, looking quit beat up , get into one of those platform cranes to speak to Gordon. The Fat Controller tells Gordon, this was not the way to get his view. 

Hello Gordon, would you like to play with us?

Gordon is sent off The Works again. Once he came back this time, he takes The Fat Controller to the station for the second grand opening. He arrives with no incidents this time.

The Fat Controller gets out and speaks to Gordon. He had the scene of the accident turned into a window in the shape of Gordon's fat face. Gordon loves this and will probably never let anyone else forget it.

The paint is kind of messed up there, boys.

Season 5 Episode 1: Cranky Bugs

It's time to dig into season 5. And it starts with Thomas and Percy being in bad moods. It all has to do with a cranky crane named Cranky. (Yay, another angry soul on Sodor!) His main character trait is to complain and call Percy and Thomas, "useless little bugs". 

Aw Cranky, I kind of like you for picking on Thomas.

Cranky starts to give the two some business on where they position the trucks. This really grinds Thomas' gears. And he fights back. Cranky is not about to take any lip from a bug and he drops the load of wood he was carrying in front of Thomas and Percy. 

Oh shit!

Later in the day, the two engines met up with Gordon and James to narc on Cranky. Gordon replies with the most true thing ever stated on the island. He replies, "Cranes need attention, just like me." (Gordon knows he is fickle)

James seems to think it is due to Cranky being in the elements looking at Thomas and Percy being annoying and that is why he calls them bugs. And with that James nailed it.

James, you spoke and didn't annoy me. The world is ending.

Cranky hears about the conversation with James and Gordon and it quit pleased with the two of them agreeing with him. His ego had swelled and he then became even more bitter and bossy. 

Percy had become very upset over Cranky's attitude and he then looses his mind. He pushes some trucks closer to Cranky to load, all the while the crane is bitching at him. Percy pushed them too far ahead do to the rage boiling up in him. Cranky then dropped the cargo on Percy's head. (I really did laugh out loud.)

Thud!

Next up is Thomas to be creamed. Cranky demands that Thomas push his trucks on the outside tracks. Thomas begrudgingly does so. Cranky then drops the load right next to the trucks. (Really, what you did to Percy was a lot more eviler.) Cranky laughs and complains that Thomas knew better that he couldn't reach that line.

Thomas and Percy meet with The Fat Controller, who was angry at the confusion and delay. He rips apart Percy and Thomas over everything that happened. He then sends the two the shed to think about how they made Cranky's job difficult. (I never get why the engines never speak up for themselves when they are blamed for the pranks and accidents they didn't cause?)

That's the old Fat Controller we all love.

That night, a storm rolls in. Gordon, Duck, James, and Henry at stuck at the shed at the harbor. An old steamer ship is on the prowl running loose. It digs through the dock and heads right towards the shed the four are staying in. It collapses the shed and knocks down Cranky. 

This right here is why I am afraid of ships.

The Fat Controller arrives and ganders at the destruction. He decides to have Thomas and Percy head out to help put up Cranky. He'll then have Cranky dig out the other engines out of the shed.

But, I have a headache.

Cranky tells on himself to The Fat Controller. He admits that he was rude to Thomas and Percy all along. The Fat Controller, just now figuring out his mistake decides he owes Thomas and Percy an apology and a couple of kisses.

Thomas and Percy arrive at the scene. The two get Cranky on his feet. Cranky then began the job of clearing the shed. Once Cranky had the shed off the four engines, Gordon begins to kiss Cranky's ass. Cranky admits that he couldn't have done it with those b b b b b b uuuuuggg..... small engines. 

Cranky then rudely asks Thomas and Percy to move. Percy becomes uber pissed and moves while still attached to cranky. And once, again Cranky is on the ground. 

Percy that was the best move ever.

We end the story with Cranky still being cranky. But, he doesn't call them bugs anymore so, there's a positive. 

Season 4 Episode 23: Paint Pots and Queen

Gordon and Thomas are heading back home after Thomas had his accident. This episode takes place back in time after Down In The Mine. It is confusing. The two discuss their own going teasing each other. They both wish to be in the good graces of The Fat Controller once again. 

They arrive at the sheds to see that a clown has exploded on it. 

So long Bozo

The Fat Controller announces that The Queen is arriving to have a visit with the engines. The engines debate on who is going to pull her train. 

Edward immediately assumes that he is too old. (Hey Edward, I like old men) Gordon declares he is in disgrace. James pipes in with, it will be him. Henry steams James and states that it will not be James due to him not being able to climb hills. (I never noticed that Henry and James seem to have a little rivalry.)  

That's a pretty sad Edward.

The day turns into a rainy one. Henry is sitting at the big station, while a painter paints above him. Henry steams and blinds the painter. He begins to fall. The painter and paint fall on Henry. 

That's pretty funny.

The Fat Controller declares that Henry looks like an iced cake and that Henry is out of the running to pull the train.

The Fat Controller goes on to speak to Gordon and Thomas. 

Gordon looks a little funny.

Gordon asks if, "Thomas can go back to his branch line? "

The Fat Controller doesn't really answer the question. He does see that both look sorry and awards them. The Fat Controller is going let Gordon pull the train and let Edward go ahead and clear the line, while Thomas is going to mind the coaches. 

The day arrives. Edward runs in shouting, "The Queen is here!"

Gordon follows with the Queen's train. 

Now I'm lady bait.

The Queen exits the coaches and asks to see the other engines. They all begin to whistle for the Queen.

The Queen later takes the time to speak with Thomas, Edward, and Gordon. She thanks them for being rocking engines. 

Watch out, he bites!

She leaves on Gordon after speaking to them. All the other engines are proud to be on The Fat Controller's Railway.

Season 4 Episode 22: Thomas and The Special Letter

Thomas arrives with his last train for the day, where Toby and Percy are waiting. They discuss that they all are going to the big station and that something must be up. The meaning of somethings up confuses Toby's old man brain. 

It's not funny, Thomas.

Just then, coming up the line they see Mavis, BoCo, Bill, Ben, Donald, Douglas, and Oliver. Donald reminds them to hurry they are all wanted at the station. Thomas is even more curious about what's going on. The three leave to find out what is the hub bub.

At the station, The Fat Controller from on top of Duck reads a letter from a little girl. The girl asks if the engines could visit her at the station near her house. The girl is a huge Thomas fangirl.

I am Mufasa 

The Fat Controller takes this as an opportunity for publicity and announces that they are going to the big city. Well, only a select few of them. 

The engines who were going on the trip begin to show their replacements the ropes of their lines. Thomas gives the low down to Oliver. 

All the excitement begins to give Thomas' ego a big boast. He begins to brag to Oliver about how useful he is, how everyone loves him, and winning a race against Bertie. 

You know typical Thomas stuff

Thomas couldn't just tell Oliver about it. Nope he has to show off and reenact it. All the sudden, Thomas takes off like a horny jack rabbit. And has a GIF worthy accident.

I love Bill/Ben's face back there.

Thomas or crew didn't die or anything. But, Thomas did have bent buffers. The Fat Controller is called. He sends out some workmen and makes it clear that Thomas is danger of not going on the trip if he is not mended in time.

8 o' clock the next morning, Gordon, Edward, James, Percy, Toby, Henry, and Duck are waiting to see if Thomas makes it.

It's all about Thomas.

And god dammit, Thomas makes it. They all head off to the city, where dreams are made.

In the city, the engines where put up in a fancy shed surrounded by their adoring fans. Sounds like my worst nightmare.

It's a metaphor for Thomas being the center of the universe.

Don't forget to check out this blog's sister, Kidisasters. A snarky look at various kid shows.

Season 4 Episode 19: Henry And The Elephant

Thomas pulls up to a station where The Fat Controller is already waiting for him. He remarks on how reliable Thomas is. Thomas pulls away, feeling like a big shot.

Why do you feed his ego?

Meanwhile, the big engines are pissed about something.  Henry was angry about there being no site of Percy. James starts acting like the total ass he is and starts to tease Henry about doing something. He runs his mouth about it not raining.

Henry defends himself by informing James that is no longer the case and then calls James a clown.

Percy pulls up, making a weird face.

I don't why but, it strikes me as weird.

Percy tells the tale about how the circus is in town. He has been unloaded the circus trucks from the harbor. He also informs the other engines that The Fat Controller needs them to help too. 

When it was time for the circus to leave, Gordon and Henry started their roid rage once again. They were angered by the fact James was the one pulling it away.

Later that day, The Fat Controller tells Henry to take some workmen down to the tunnel to see why it is blocked. 

But, mom...

Henry pushes the workmen to the tunnel, all the while complaining. They stop at the tunnel and looked in. While in there, a roar chorused out and the workmen shuffled out.

The giant grey penis of Sodor.

The workman inform their foreman of what they saw. He immediately calls, bull shit. The men insist that they will not go back in. The foreman states that he will ride with Henry and push it out.

Henry is very upset by this plan. 

Why is everyone always picking on me?

Henry slowly heads in. The mystery creature begins to push poor Henry out. The creature revealed itself as an elephant and not the "Giant Grey Penis Of Sodor." 

My mistake.

The workmen gave the elephant cake and water. The elephant begin to calm down. But, Henry let off steam and the elephant squirted him. 

The elephant's keeper arrived and took him off. By that time, Henry was about to blow.

Hey ladies, would you like to ride my elephant?

That night Henry tells the story of how he was molested by an elephant. The other engines feel sorry for him but, still give him crap. But Thomas chirps in all guidance counselor, and cheers Henry up.

Henry is going to turn into a Emo.