Season 4 Episode 22: Thomas and The Special Letter

Thomas arrives with his last train for the day, where Toby and Percy are waiting. They discuss that they all are going to the big station and that something must be up. The meaning of somethings up confuses Toby's old man brain. 

It's not funny, Thomas.

Just then, coming up the line they see Mavis, BoCo, Bill, Ben, Donald, Douglas, and Oliver. Donald reminds them to hurry they are all wanted at the station. Thomas is even more curious about what's going on. The three leave to find out what is the hub bub.

At the station, The Fat Controller from on top of Duck reads a letter from a little girl. The girl asks if the engines could visit her at the station near her house. The girl is a huge Thomas fangirl.

I am Mufasa 

The Fat Controller takes this as an opportunity for publicity and announces that they are going to the big city. Well, only a select few of them. 

The engines who were going on the trip begin to show their replacements the ropes of their lines. Thomas gives the low down to Oliver. 

All the excitement begins to give Thomas' ego a big boast. He begins to brag to Oliver about how useful he is, how everyone loves him, and winning a race against Bertie. 

You know typical Thomas stuff

Thomas couldn't just tell Oliver about it. Nope he has to show off and reenact it. All the sudden, Thomas takes off like a horny jack rabbit. And has a GIF worthy accident.

I love Bill/Ben's face back there.

Thomas or crew didn't die or anything. But, Thomas did have bent buffers. The Fat Controller is called. He sends out some workmen and makes it clear that Thomas is danger of not going on the trip if he is not mended in time.

8 o' clock the next morning, Gordon, Edward, James, Percy, Toby, Henry, and Duck are waiting to see if Thomas makes it.

It's all about Thomas.

And god dammit, Thomas makes it. They all head off to the city, where dreams are made.

In the city, the engines where put up in a fancy shed surrounded by their adoring fans. Sounds like my worst nightmare.

It's a metaphor for Thomas being the center of the universe.

Don't forget to check out this blog's sister, Kidisasters. A snarky look at various kid shows.

Season 3 Episode 24: Heroes

Aw here we go with a story about the two crazies, Bill and Ben. Bill and Ben are working at the quarry when they realize they are bored and they need a surprise. Or in other words, a reason to cause mischief. But before they can cause chaos, the quarry master arrives. He sends Bill and Ben to the harbor per The Fat Controller.

And you can bet he was thrilled to have them gone.

Bill and Ben meet The Fat Controller at the harbor. He explains since Edward is out taking children on a trip, he needs Bill and Ben to shunt trucks for him. 

Bill and Ben head off to work. They met up with Gordon who lectures them to behave since they are on The Mainline. Ben burns Gordon by stating he thought he was at the scrapyard. (And at that moment, Ben earned points with me.) Before leaving, Gordon warns them to have his express ready that evening.

Oh it burns so bad.

Bill and Ben begin to work shunting trucks. They thought they were doing great and the job was easy. But in reality, they were sucking hard at it. The trucks were growing more and more annoyed with them. At this point, I think we all know where this going.

Muhahahaha!

As evening rolls in, the yard looks like a war zone. The twins had foolishly let the trucks tell them where to put them. 

At the station, Gordon and his passengers are furious as they have no coaches. While Bill and Ben try their hardest to get things straight. By the time, they get the coaches to Gordon his train is late. 

Leaving Gordon closer to an aneurysm.

The next day, twins were sent back to the quarry to work. Suddenly, there was a rumble. A rock slide is about to go down. The alarm sounds and mass panic ensues. The quarry workers climb into Bill and Ben's trucks. 

Bill and Ben were just about to leave, when a voice yells, "Help!" It's the Quarry master. He is about to be squished. 

It's hard to run when you legs don't move.

Ben waited for him while he climbed on board. They left the quarry with seconds to spare. The whole set begins to crumble. It is actually very dramatic. The only thing I would suggest is more explosions. 

I feel sorry the person who has to clean all the sand up.

The next day, The Fat Controller arrives on Edward. He congratulates Bill and Ben for saving all those souls. He does it in a very quick and unenthusiastic, "Hip, Hip, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray." Bill and Ben feel like heroes, even with the lack of effort to properly cheer from The Fat Controller. (He probably wanted to get it over with and eat an iced bun.)

Season 3 Episode 19: One Good Turn

The Fat Controller arrives at The China Clay Works to give the two crazies, Bill and Ben an assignment. He needs Bill and Ben to head to The Big Yard to fetch some "important" goods. Bill and Ben are delighted to go. 

This guy hates Bill and Ben.

Poor Boco is resting in the yard when terror strikes him. He hears a pair of familiar whistles and realizes it is worst nightmare, Bill and Ben.

Bill makes up that The Fat Controller said that Boco was tired and they are there to do all his work. Boco knows they are messing with him but, he does need their help.

I need some Xanax right now.

Bill and Ben head to work. They work all day without causing trouble. But that can last when Bill and Ben are in the house. They start to loose their shit when it comes time to use the turntable for the first time.

Bill hops on and has so much fun that he does not want to move off it. The Foreman begins to shout for him to get off. Bill gets off but The Foreman stopped the turntable at the wrong track. Ben is coming towards Bill on the same track. The two engines meet.

Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumble!

Some Clint Eastwood music begins to play and they go at it. The two twins begin to argue about who is in who's way. They begin to push and shove each other. The Fat Controller has to arrive to break them up. He threatens them to behave or they will never be allowed to work there again. 

The next day, Ben was still angered over the situation. (They should be mad at the foreman) He starts to complain about Bill to Boco. Boco explains they both were to blame. The two grumbled to Boco about each other all day.

Why do I keep getting paired with this two ass clowns?

The twins even drive poor Total Hottie Edward crazy. Boco and Edward come up with a plan to stop the Olsen twins from fighting. Boco's driver spread the plan to The Fat Controller who starts making arrangements. 

Just admiring Edward. He's so cute.

The next morning, The Fat Controller arrives at the yard and announces that he is giving Boco's usual train to Bill and Ben while Boco takes a special one. 

Ben protests that he will take the train himself. Bill just huffs, "Go ahead." 

Ben is coupled up and it turned out the train was in fact too heavy for him to move alone. Bill mocks him in his weakness. Then something snaps between them they both start to laugh and work together.

Like I said, they're crazy!

Bill and Ben pull the train together. This cements their bond back together. Aww! How sweet?

I am still not sure which one is a Mary Kate and which one is an Ashley?

The End Of Season/Series 2: The Snarkies!

As I stated in The End Of Season/Series 1 write up, I would really like to do something different at the end of each season. For Season 2, I decided to hand out awards, The SNARKIES, if you will. So without further to do, Jane Slicker presents THE SNARKIES.

Best New Character

Duck

I'm so shocked!

I choose Duck for the simple reason, that he had a real rough introduction. From the bigger engines bullying him, Diesel antics, to wrecking into a barber shop. And after all this, he is just a likable guy.

Best Villain

Diesel

Meh....

Diesel gets the win for the sheer evil he is. He even has the most sinister theme music to go with it. Diesel truly is the most sneakiest snake on Sodor. 

Best Set Of Twins

Donald And Douglas

They're a little nervous that Kayne is going to show up and give The Snarky to Beyonce.

An easy win over Bill and Ben. The brotherly love these two have for each other is heartwarming.  Douglas not being able to live without his brother. And Donald, possibly sacrificing himself for scrap for his brother. These two deserve my Snarky Award.

Best Jerk

James

James likes to make an entrance

It was a tie up between James and Gordon for me. But, I decided to give it to James. Why? Well because, he seems to join in with Gordon and Henry to be a big boy. And he really grinds my gears. 

Best Non Engine Character

Bertie

Bertie, get back here and get your Snarky!

I really like Bertie. His design calls me. Maybe, I am a bus nut? 

Best Make Up

Daisy

Add the stripper music!

Daisy is the Kim Kardashian of Sodor, so of course she is getting the Snarky for best make up. She is also the winner for best swerves. 

Best Crash

Percy

Glorious! 

There were many great crashes in this season, with all the buildings built on the end of the rails. I have to give it Percy though. He crashed with grace. When hit that brake van, he had a great bounce and landing.

Best Couple

Edward & Trevor

Trevor is disappointed he didn't win any children.

The story between Edward and Trevor is touching. The friendship between them is worthy of The Snarky.

Best Crazy Thomas Face

Thomas was drinking before the show.

Yep, that one! You knew it was the winner!

Most Underused Character This Season

Henry

And he even made derp eyes for us!

We didn't really see a lot of Henry this season. If we did, he was grumping. I actually enjoy the character of Henry so, it was a little bit of a disappointment for me. 

Best Death Scene

The Spiteful Brake Van

RIP

He did have it coming though. Lesson to take from this, don't be a spiteful brake van.

And that will do it for The SNARKIES. Join Thomas The Snark Engine in snarking on Season/Series 3 next. We will see duck abuse, engines with silly scarves, dragons, tree hugging, and much more!

Season 2 Episode 23: Edward's Exploit

Bertie has been off tooting around giving tours of Sodor. Today is the last afternoon of the tourists' visit and total hottie Edward is scheduled to take them to the China Clay Works to met Bill And Ben. But, Edward is having old man issues to today. He is struggling to start his train.

I should have took my multi vitamins. 

Of course, Henry, James, and Gordon are there to mock him. They are really into tearing down old men. They visit the Sodor Senior Home just to practice on them before the make fun of Edward. 

Duck points out the obvious that Edward is better then any of them. Boco agrees. With the extra encouragement Edward starts to pull out of the station, minus his eyebrows. 

Edward if you don't stop keeping your eyebrows on, you are going to loose your status as Total Hottie.

Edward arrives at the Clay Works to let the passengers see Bill and Ben. We find that Bill and Ben love the paparazzi. They love the flash of cameras in their faces and the glamour of it. They even like every good celebrity engine should, take the tourists on a break van special. 

Bill tipped them off.

We have a montage of Bill and Ben touring around their adoring fans. Everyone seems to be having a great time. Bill and Ben head back to give the tourists back to Edward.

On the way home, the weather began to turn rainy and stormy. Well, they are near England. Edward's sanding gear failed. His fireman had to ride up front sanding the line.

No fair, I want to stand there!

Edward's wheels began to slip and he breaks something. I vote broken hip!  Edward needs a walker in his advice age. He is still a cutie though. I like them old.

Edward's crew gets out to examine the damage. Edward has broken his crank pin. They take his side rods off and explain he'll have to run like an old fashioned engine. Edward promises to try to get them home.

Edward old boy, you're getting Life Alert for Christmas.

Edward struggles to start again. Edward's crew gets out and starts to make adjustments on the coaches to help Eddie out. They loosen the couplings so Edward can pick his coaches up one by one. 

Edward starts up again and he slowly gets his train moving. Edward being a cute old man/engine, chants, "He's done it!"

You go Edward!

Edward arrives at night in Knapford. Understandably, he is exhausted. Henry is waiting for him to gather the visitors. The Fat Controller is angry that Edward is late. Geez, cut him a break he is a golden oldie. The passengers cheer and thank the crew.

At the sheds that night, Duck and Boco made sure Edward was treated like the gem he is. 

James looks like he's been sniffing glue.

Season 2 Episode 22: Wrong Road

Today we learn that mainline engines are not allowed to run on branch lines. They are far too heavy for what the tracks can support. Well, that just gave away the plot to this episode. 

Total hottie Edward and Gordon start off a discussion. Gordon is butt hurt about branch line diesels pulling mainline coaches. Edward suggests that Boco would let Gordon pull his coaches. This highly disturbs Gordon. Gordon claims the rule for mainline engines not being on branch lines is because they're vulgar. Gordon then puffs away and Edward follows him to the station.

I love how Gordon is the biggest jag off and Edward just smiles. 

In the evening time, Edward and Gordon pull trains from the station. Gordon leave first with the mainline train and Edward comes in five minutes later with his branch line. Of course tonight, there will be TROUBLE!

A lady on the platform with a obnoxious green hat was saying her goodbyes to her lover boy.  

Thank you darling for the pearl necklace.

Time was near for Gordon to start. The Fireman looked back at the guard van and saw something green waving. Naturally, he assumed it was his flag. Oh no it wasn't, just the floppy obnoxious hat. Gordon sets off leaving his passengers, luggage, and guard at the station.

And Edward looses his eyebrows again.

Gordon backs slowly back in the station once they stopped him down the line. Edward was now running late heads off first. Oh the shenanigans, that will follow.

Gordon looks so lovely in blush.

The Signal Man down the line, doesn't realize that it was not Gordon coming down the line and does not switch the line. Edward heads down the mainline and Gordon goes down the branch. Gordon stops in a siding at the harbor.

The next morning, Bill and Ben arrive at the harbor. They have no trucks waiting for them but, they have Gordon. They begin to tease Gordon. 

You have awful wrinkles!

Gordon pretends that he does not hear the twins as they tease him about never coming down the branch lines. They then insist that it is just an old pile of iron and not Gordon. The twins debate whether to take him to the scrapyard or dump him in the sea. Gordon pleads for them to stop.

Gordon is very expressive this episode.

Boco arrives and Gordon falls in love with him. He finds him a beautiful sight. Boco threatens to take back the trucks he brought for Bill and Ben and makes them behave. 

Gordon calls the twins demons and wants to know Boco's secrets for dealing with them. Gordon also thinks Boco saved his life. Which makes Boco his knight in shining armor. Awe...

Gordon then derails.

I am still wondering what happened to the passengers?

Season 2 Episode 21: The Diseasel

We are now formally introduced to Bill and Ben, another set of twins. But, these twins are tank engines and way more mischievous then Donald and Douglas. They work at the China Clay Works. I think this why I thought they were Chinese as a wee little Jane Slicker. 

Remember the Tibble Twins on Arthur...

One morning, Bill and Ben learn about magic. They had left some trucks on the line and went back to gather more. When they came back, they were gone. 

David Copperfield's fingers?

Their crew finds a patch of oil on the line and determine that it was not David Copperfield but, a diesel. Bill and Ben take it as Diseasel. They argue about who is spreading Diseasels around. My vote is on James. The crew not wanting to be blamed for carrying Diseasel, urge the twins to rescue their trucks.

Well someone is dripping their diseasel all around. Call The Health Department!

The twins are terrified of disappearing in the Diseasels magic show and plead not to go. The crew insist and decide to play mind games with the Diseasel. They state that the Diseasel does not know they are twins. So, they take off their name plates and numbers and head off for shenanigans. 

The twins find the Diseasel on a siding with their trucks. Ben stays back while Bill puffs up on the Diseasel's side. Bill asks for the trucks and the Diseasel refuses. Bill pretends to cry and runs off. Ben pulls forward and yells at him. He then pulls away. The twins go back and forth until the Diseasel has a mental break down.

Or he rolled in dog poop.

Bill and Ben both pull up and the Diseasel realizes there are two of them. 

Now for the best part of the episode, total hottie Edward comes along. Poor Eddie arrives in the middle of it all. Bill and Ben explain, how horrible the Diseasel is right in from him to Edward. Edward points out Bill and Ben are the rude ones and gets all technical on what type of Diesel he is. 

Bill and Ben apologize and the Diseasel introduces himself as Boco. Which is a lot simpler then what Edward said. 

When in doubt ask Edward.

Edward send Bill and Ben to get Boco his trucks. Edward then explains to Boco that Bill and Ben are nuts. 

Season 2 Episode 11: Percy Takes The Plunge

At the harbor, we find Henry just wanting to take a rest. But, Percy is jib jabbing away in Henry's resting spot to two other engines. Percy is going on about how he braves storms and eyeball deep water to help Thomas. Henry then backs in, and tells the two engines to shoo. The shed is only for The Fat Controller's slaves. 

Then Henry stole Gordon's face.

Percy is quite peeved that Henry has shooed away his friends. Henry calls Percy silly and mocks him for a line he used in his story. "Water is nothing for an engine with determination. "

Percy just runs off singing about Henry being scared of rain and being bricked in the tunnel. This causes Henry to be butt hurt.

Percy puffs up along Thomas. We find Thomas looking at a board at the key that reads, "Danger, Engine Must Not Pass This Board." 

Thomas recalls the time he derped out and went pass a board. I have a feeling that Percy has to test it anyhow. But, what he doesn't know is the foundation is as soft as a kitten's butt. The rails are sinking down into the sea. 

Whatever

One day later on, Percy whispers to his trucks to give him a push at the sign. Percy plans to pretend to stop at the station and have the trucks push him pass the board. What could go wrong trusting those buttholes? 

The trucks push him and keep pushing him right into the sea.

That worked so well.

The Fat Controller shows up and gives Percy a verbal beating. Percy pleads to be let out. But, The Fat Controller insists that Percy will have to wait until high tide.

Percy had to wait until it was dark. They brought in some floating cranes to aid in his rescue. 

That actually looks fun.

The next day, Henry pulls Percy to The Works. Henry rolls with the jokes on Percy. He teases Percy about needing more determination.