Season 5 Episode 5: James And The Trouble With Trees

Mr. Thomas has been workin' in the coal mine goin' on down, down. He is filthy and all he wants is a bath. But, his driver can't allow that. The hose pipe is down. Thomas begrudgingly heads home to the sheds. 

Why must you sing at my expense?

At the sheds, no one notices that Thomas is a filthy burritos. James, Henry, and Gordon are too busy arguing over who is the pride of the line. *cough, Edward* Excuse me, any how James insists that he is getting a new coat of paint due to The Fat Controller being in love with him. 

Percy explains all this to Thomas, who of course gets jealous. James over hears Thomas' rant and chews him out for looking like scum.

While James was being repainted the next day, good ol' Henry has a little accident. He derails his load of trucks.

Just another day on Sodor.

James who is on a siding, begins to run his mouth about how horrible Henry is at working his trucks. James suggests that Henry go talk to his little tree friends instead of working. 

Henry then puts the curse on James by mentioning that The Fat Controller is looking for trees to close to the line and they will be cut down. 

James insists that he would just run over the trees, like the red neck engine he dreams to be.

Such a smug little asshole

Later that day, James is all painted up and showing off his paint. Percy tired of James' runny mouth, tells him that he wouldn't be such a smug ass if I tree fell on him. (Oh please!)

Terence throws in the double whammy of telling James to be careful. Which James shrugs off and leaves to pull The Express.

Paaaaaaaahhhhh!

Instead once James arrives at the platform, The Fat Controller instructs James to pull a heavy goods train. James tries to weasel his way out of it by using his new paint as an excuse. But, it doesn't work. 

James arrives at the yard to pick up his trucks. The weather has changed for the worst and the trucks are in their mood. One even calls James ugly.

High five!

James sets off. He goes through the woods and up hill. And much to my delight, an old tree by the line is shaking and the ground is slipping. (Come to mama) The tree slide right on rails.

Unfortunately, James stops in time before wrecking. 

Dammit!

They try to reverse James back down the hill but, he was too heavy. Then a cry from a whistle is heard. James' driver cries, "It's Thomas!" Once again, Thomas arrives to save James' ass.

James assumes that Thomas will tease him too. But, Thomas doesn't care he unlike me, is worried about the tree slamming down on James. Thomas pulls James back and the tree falls.

Dammit again!

That evening, James and Thomas have a heart to heart. James confesses that Percy and Terence were correct to warn him. And he thanks Thomas. 

Holy crap, Total Hottie Edward has just arrived! Thank you, thank you! This is my reward for writing this James post!

Edward informs them that they are being rewarded. Thomas is getting new paint and James is going to get to pull The Express. And everyone was like, Yay!

Edward, you made it totally worth sitting through a James episode. 

Season 4 Episode 23: Paint Pots and Queen

Gordon and Thomas are heading back home after Thomas had his accident. This episode takes place back in time after Down In The Mine. It is confusing. The two discuss their own going teasing each other. They both wish to be in the good graces of The Fat Controller once again. 

They arrive at the sheds to see that a clown has exploded on it. 

So long Bozo

The Fat Controller announces that The Queen is arriving to have a visit with the engines. The engines debate on who is going to pull her train. 

Edward immediately assumes that he is too old. (Hey Edward, I like old men) Gordon declares he is in disgrace. James pipes in with, it will be him. Henry steams James and states that it will not be James due to him not being able to climb hills. (I never noticed that Henry and James seem to have a little rivalry.)  

That's a pretty sad Edward.

The day turns into a rainy one. Henry is sitting at the big station, while a painter paints above him. Henry steams and blinds the painter. He begins to fall. The painter and paint fall on Henry. 

That's pretty funny.

The Fat Controller declares that Henry looks like an iced cake and that Henry is out of the running to pull the train.

The Fat Controller goes on to speak to Gordon and Thomas. 

Gordon looks a little funny.

Gordon asks if, "Thomas can go back to his branch line? "

The Fat Controller doesn't really answer the question. He does see that both look sorry and awards them. The Fat Controller is going let Gordon pull the train and let Edward go ahead and clear the line, while Thomas is going to mind the coaches. 

The day arrives. Edward runs in shouting, "The Queen is here!"

Gordon follows with the Queen's train. 

Now I'm lady bait.

The Queen exits the coaches and asks to see the other engines. They all begin to whistle for the Queen.

The Queen later takes the time to speak with Thomas, Edward, and Gordon. She thanks them for being rocking engines. 

Watch out, he bites!

She leaves on Gordon after speaking to them. All the other engines are proud to be on The Fat Controller's Railway.

Season 4 Episode 22: Thomas and The Special Letter

Thomas arrives with his last train for the day, where Toby and Percy are waiting. They discuss that they all are going to the big station and that something must be up. The meaning of somethings up confuses Toby's old man brain. 

It's not funny, Thomas.

Just then, coming up the line they see Mavis, BoCo, Bill, Ben, Donald, Douglas, and Oliver. Donald reminds them to hurry they are all wanted at the station. Thomas is even more curious about what's going on. The three leave to find out what is the hub bub.

At the station, The Fat Controller from on top of Duck reads a letter from a little girl. The girl asks if the engines could visit her at the station near her house. The girl is a huge Thomas fangirl.

I am Mufasa 

The Fat Controller takes this as an opportunity for publicity and announces that they are going to the big city. Well, only a select few of them. 

The engines who were going on the trip begin to show their replacements the ropes of their lines. Thomas gives the low down to Oliver. 

All the excitement begins to give Thomas' ego a big boast. He begins to brag to Oliver about how useful he is, how everyone loves him, and winning a race against Bertie. 

You know typical Thomas stuff

Thomas couldn't just tell Oliver about it. Nope he has to show off and reenact it. All the sudden, Thomas takes off like a horny jack rabbit. And has a GIF worthy accident.

I love Bill/Ben's face back there.

Thomas or crew didn't die or anything. But, Thomas did have bent buffers. The Fat Controller is called. He sends out some workmen and makes it clear that Thomas is danger of not going on the trip if he is not mended in time.

8 o' clock the next morning, Gordon, Edward, James, Percy, Toby, Henry, and Duck are waiting to see if Thomas makes it.

It's all about Thomas.

And god dammit, Thomas makes it. They all head off to the city, where dreams are made.

In the city, the engines where put up in a fancy shed surrounded by their adoring fans. Sounds like my worst nightmare.

It's a metaphor for Thomas being the center of the universe.

Don't forget to check out this blog's sister, Kidisasters. A snarky look at various kid shows.

Season 4 Episode 16: Thomas and Stepney

I have expectations for this one. I am expecting Thomas to be a jerk. (Crosses fingers)

Thomas is an unusually cheery mood this day. He stops to speak with Percy for a moment. Thomas immediately goes into how wonderful his branch line is. And the look on Percy's face is priceless.

Oh please, scrap me!

Percy bursts Thomas' bubble with information of another branch line that is just as awesome. It just so happens to be Stepney's BlueBell Railway. And even better, Stepney may come visit The Fat Controller's engines.

This turns Thomas into a jealous rage. (YES!) 

Build it up, buttercup.

Meanwhile with Thomas' new enemy, Stepney, we find that he growing bored on his line. It is a little short for him. He speaks to Rusty about his problem. Rusty pops out the idea to tell his driver about it and heads off. Stepney does just that and the driver agrees. 

Later that night, his driver breaks the news that they have been invited to visit the North Western Railway.  

I hope the driver models his scarf.

The next day, they set off on the long ride to see the other engines. 

The build up of Stepney visiting is the word on the street with the other engines. They talk all about him making Thomas' jealously grow bigger. Thomas grumbles and heads off to fetch his coaches.

As soon as Thomas leaves, Stepney arrives through the junction and at Knapford. The engines all cheer for him. Total Hottie Edward mentions he should met Thomas. (I wonder if Edward was an evil streak in him like me?)

Stepney heads over to help Duck shunt some coaches for the day. 

Later that evening, Thomas arrives and totally snubs Stepney. And rushes to do his last train.

I think Duck was waiting for it too.

Shortly after Thomas to take his last train, the alarm sounds to stop all trains. A special is coming and they need Thomas shunted off so it can pass through. Thomas grows angry at this and gripes. 

And low and behold it's Stepney!

I love it!

Morning arrives and Thomas still has a bug in his ass over Stepney. His sits in a siding, complaining like a teenager who has their phone taken away. Stepney pulls up along side and apologizes. (Why are you apologizing? It is hilarious!)

Stepney then explains that a special passenger approached them right after Thomas had left. He demanded a special train and Duck gave it to him. (Yeah, I am pretty sure that is not how it works.) Stepney then pads Thomas' ego by telling him he was nervous. 

Aw, thank you. And one day you, little Stepney, can be one a million little boy's t-shirts.

So with that, Thomas and Stepney became frenemies. 

Season 4 Episode 5: Four Little Engines

May I now introduce you to, Skarloey and Rhenesas. They work with the engines formally known as Stuart and Falcon. (Yes, Stuart and Falcon are now, Peter Sam and Sir Handle. ) The four engines work on the Skarloey railway.

Enough of that right now, I see total hottie Edward. 

Edward it has been so long.

The Fat Controller is speaking to Edward. He decides that Edward needs to go to The Works. 

Edward heads off to The Works, there he finds Skarloey. Edwards asks about why Skarloey is there. Skarloey give a sad tale about being put to rest in the shed and missing his bro, Rhenesas. Rhenesas was being mended.

Some strange men arrived to abduct Edward, leaving Skarloey alone. 

And here is Thomas, video bombing.

Meanwhile, we check in with Sir Handel. It seems he is having trouble with his coaches. They are kind of like trucks and don't trust him. 

While heading down his line, he encounters sheep on the rails.

I don't know if anyone saw that video where a cow gets is face destroyed by a train? But this is giving me flashbacks of that. 

Sir Handel stops the train before he mutilates any sheep faces. The coaches take it as Sir Handel has bumped them on purpose and swear to pay him back. So, they push him off the rails. 

No sheep were injured and Sir Handel was put on the rails. He was then sent to the shed. His driver wonder how is suppose to take care of a visitor train when Sir Handel has been put in time out?

Skarloey peeps up asking if can do it?

I am needy!

Skarloey suckers the driver into taking him out. He heads out to gather the nasty coaches for the job. Skarloey then lectures them about being jag offs.

Meh, whatever!

Skarloey then heads off. He cheerfully stops at all the stops. It was all cool until the line started to get a little steep for him. Skarloey began to literally loose steam. His driver says in a very Mister Roger's voice to "Take his time."

Skarloey starts to head down the hill. He begins to break up. One of his springs break and he rides sideways down the hill.

Gangsta style!

They stop Skarloey. The crew wants to get a bus but, Skarloey pleads that he'll do it. (What will happen?)

Meanwhile, at the platform, James is waiting. Skarloey pulls up all sideways with the coaches. They two engines exchange passengers. 

Everyone was excited and thankful for Skarloey. Skarloey is told that he is going to mended up and looking beautiful. Because he is a hero!

My little lopsided engine.

Season 3 Episode 21: Escape

Yes this episode starts off proper with Total Hottie Edward! Fan girling! 

So, Edward and Trevor are having a good ol' conversation, probably about the rising cost of their medications. They are then interrupted by a rather grumpy Douglas. Douglas passes them and yells at Edward to stop gossiping.

Don't worry Edward, he probably angry about  Donald getting more screen time.

Later that day, Edward confronts Douglas on his bad attitude. Edward gives a speech about them being old friends and they like to speak to each other about the state of the economy. Edward also throws in the fact, that Trevor and Douglas have in common that they both escaped scrap. Douglas freezes at the word scrap. The two then agree that The Fat Controller needs another engine to help.

What the hell kind of face is that, Edward?

That night Douglas is working the midnight goods train. This takes him to a part of the island where Diesels work. Ooooooo, scary.

Douglas is just about to head home, when his spider senses start tingling. He hears a steam engine. Douglas startled calls out to see who's there? 

A small voice answers explaining, that he is Oliver. He and his brake van, Toad were escaping from being scrapped when they ran out of steam.

You'll no longer be "walking the mile."

Douglas plans to save this poor engine. The two crews work together to make it happen. Douglas hooks up to the front of the engine and pulls him out. The two of them start their journey. 

While trying to clear the station, the three were stopped by the fuzz aka the foreman. Douglas' driver sweet talks the foreman. The foreman declares everything okay and they start off again.

Will $50.00 do?

The butt crack of dawn had appeared by the time the three arrived at their destination. They hide Oliver and Toad at The Works. 

The next day, Douglas tells the tale about Douglas. James and Gordon blurt out that The Fat Controller needs to know. 

Speaking of the devil, The Fat Controller strolls up.

Don't mind me, I'm just picking flowers.

The Fat Controller questions the engines on what they are hiding? Duck pleads that they need another engine to help. The Fat Controller states that he too cheap to get a new steam engine he needs one from scrap. Da da dum!

Douglas interjects that he has one. The Fat Controller laughs and drops the bomb that he knows about Douglas' new pets. The Fat Controller plans to put Oliver on Duck's branch line. 

Oliver and Toad are fixed up and looking spiffy. Oliver is even painted in Great Western livery. Duck's branch line is now known jokingly as "The Little Western"

Toad is freaking adorable too.

Season 3 Episode 19: One Good Turn

The Fat Controller arrives at The China Clay Works to give the two crazies, Bill and Ben an assignment. He needs Bill and Ben to head to The Big Yard to fetch some "important" goods. Bill and Ben are delighted to go. 

This guy hates Bill and Ben.

Poor Boco is resting in the yard when terror strikes him. He hears a pair of familiar whistles and realizes it is worst nightmare, Bill and Ben.

Bill makes up that The Fat Controller said that Boco was tired and they are there to do all his work. Boco knows they are messing with him but, he does need their help.

I need some Xanax right now.

Bill and Ben head to work. They work all day without causing trouble. But that can last when Bill and Ben are in the house. They start to loose their shit when it comes time to use the turntable for the first time.

Bill hops on and has so much fun that he does not want to move off it. The Foreman begins to shout for him to get off. Bill gets off but The Foreman stopped the turntable at the wrong track. Ben is coming towards Bill on the same track. The two engines meet.

Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumble!

Some Clint Eastwood music begins to play and they go at it. The two twins begin to argue about who is in who's way. They begin to push and shove each other. The Fat Controller has to arrive to break them up. He threatens them to behave or they will never be allowed to work there again. 

The next day, Ben was still angered over the situation. (They should be mad at the foreman) He starts to complain about Bill to Boco. Boco explains they both were to blame. The two grumbled to Boco about each other all day.

Why do I keep getting paired with this two ass clowns?

The twins even drive poor Total Hottie Edward crazy. Boco and Edward come up with a plan to stop the Olsen twins from fighting. Boco's driver spread the plan to The Fat Controller who starts making arrangements. 

Just admiring Edward. He's so cute.

The next morning, The Fat Controller arrives at the yard and announces that he is giving Boco's usual train to Bill and Ben while Boco takes a special one. 

Ben protests that he will take the train himself. Bill just huffs, "Go ahead." 

Ben is coupled up and it turned out the train was in fact too heavy for him to move alone. Bill mocks him in his weakness. Then something snaps between them they both start to laugh and work together.

Like I said, they're crazy!

Bill and Ben pull the train together. This cements their bond back together. Aww! How sweet?

I am still not sure which one is a Mary Kate and which one is an Ashley?

Season 3 Episode 16: Edward, Trevor and the Really Useful Party

Wow, that is a long title. It better be a really useful party if I had to type that all out. 

Trevor and Total Hottie Edward are at the orchard. Trevor is all excited to tell Edward some news. 

Gee,I wonder what it could be? Old men like to talk about politics and the state of the current generation. That must be it! 

Oh nope, The Vicar is having a Garden Party and Trevor is going to be the star! Edward wants to help with the party but, he is stuck with his rails. Bummer...

I'm going to be a star!

Edward goes along working but, bummed. Poor Edward really wants to help. His driver tries to reassure him that he is useful on the railway and that's awesome. But Edward, still has his doubts. 

The next day, Edward meets up with Trevor again. This time it is Trevor's turn to be a worrying old man. It seems The Vicar forgot to put up the posters for the Garden Party. (How is Yoko suppose to bring her walrus?)

Edward has an idea. He'll have himself plastered with posters. 

It is like when people tattoo McDonalds themselves for free Big Macs.

Before anyone gets too excited about this, it has to be run across The Fat Controller first. The Fat Controller is more then happy to agree. Perhaps, he wants to go to get cotton candy?

Edward goes station to station spreading the word of the party. Passengers are all, "Woo party!" and say, "We must go to that. There's nothing else to do. Woo!"

Later that day, Trevor is taking an old man cat nap when Bertie The Bus pulls up. Bertie wakes Trevor up and calls him old. Trevor is too occupied with party to notice and tells Bertie all about it. Bertie states he'll be there. This gives Trevor anxiety over competing with bus rides.

Yeah because, everyone loves riding the bus.

It's party day! Unfortunately, it had rained the night before and the ground is soft and muddy. Trevor doesn't care though. He's made for it. 

At the party, Trevor gets to work pulling carriages of children. While turning a corner, he runs into Bertie. Bertie explains he dropping off some people because, Edward's idea was A+.

Trevor turns around and heads back. And he finds Bertie once again. This time though, he's stuck.

Like I said, everyone loves to ride the bus!

Terrence pulls a Fat Controller and pops out of no where. He jokes about Bertie taking his job of plowing fields and then pulls him out with the help of Trevor.

Out of nowhere!

In the evening, The Vicar finds Edward and his driver to thank him for the advertising. Edward is now happy with himself. And Trevor is sleeping dreaming of the children, again.

I feel like if Trevor was a human, he would have a Duggar size family.