Season 4 Episode 22: Thomas and The Special Letter

Thomas arrives with his last train for the day, where Toby and Percy are waiting. They discuss that they all are going to the big station and that something must be up. The meaning of somethings up confuses Toby's old man brain. 

It's not funny, Thomas.

Just then, coming up the line they see Mavis, BoCo, Bill, Ben, Donald, Douglas, and Oliver. Donald reminds them to hurry they are all wanted at the station. Thomas is even more curious about what's going on. The three leave to find out what is the hub bub.

At the station, The Fat Controller from on top of Duck reads a letter from a little girl. The girl asks if the engines could visit her at the station near her house. The girl is a huge Thomas fangirl.

I am Mufasa 

The Fat Controller takes this as an opportunity for publicity and announces that they are going to the big city. Well, only a select few of them. 

The engines who were going on the trip begin to show their replacements the ropes of their lines. Thomas gives the low down to Oliver. 

All the excitement begins to give Thomas' ego a big boast. He begins to brag to Oliver about how useful he is, how everyone loves him, and winning a race against Bertie. 

You know typical Thomas stuff

Thomas couldn't just tell Oliver about it. Nope he has to show off and reenact it. All the sudden, Thomas takes off like a horny jack rabbit. And has a GIF worthy accident.

I love Bill/Ben's face back there.

Thomas or crew didn't die or anything. But, Thomas did have bent buffers. The Fat Controller is called. He sends out some workmen and makes it clear that Thomas is danger of not going on the trip if he is not mended in time.

8 o' clock the next morning, Gordon, Edward, James, Percy, Toby, Henry, and Duck are waiting to see if Thomas makes it.

It's all about Thomas.

And god dammit, Thomas makes it. They all head off to the city, where dreams are made.

In the city, the engines where put up in a fancy shed surrounded by their adoring fans. Sounds like my worst nightmare.

It's a metaphor for Thomas being the center of the universe.

Don't forget to check out this blog's sister, Kidisasters. A snarky look at various kid shows.

Season 3 Episode 22: Oliver Owns Up

This episode starts off with a beautiful montage of Duck and Oliver working the branch line. The two of them are all over their Great Western Heritage. 

Duck and Oliver are at the harbor, having a conversation on how Douglas is Oliver's hero for saving him. It is Oliver's go to story now.

He even tells the other engines it in the shed that night. The engines throw out a bunch of words to describe Oliver. Gordon throws one out that stumps Percy. And this begins the dumbing down of Percy. 

Sorry Percy, it's true.

The next day, Oliver is puffing along the line. He had became very Gordon-like and big headed from all the wonderful things that were said about him.  

Oh no, this island has way too many egos! It is like an island of Kayne Wests. 

We move on to another day, The Fat Controller is at the platform waiting to speak to Oliver. He sentences Oliver to learn about trucks. (He is done for!)

You're screwed!

Every other engine warns Oliver that trucks are not to be trusted. Oliver argues that they do not think he can handle it. Duck once again tries to warn him but, Oliver is too far up his own butt. Donald insists that Duck let it go and roll with it.

Shh! I really want to see someone screw up as bad as I did back in the day.

Oliver heads off to fill up some trucks with coal. He pushes the empty trucks under the shoot. He then came back to take the loaded trucks away. 

I love this doofus truck.

The trucks did not want to move. They protested that Oliver had no right to be moving them. (Hey they are just practicing stranger danger.)

Oliver starts to loose his cool and begins to biff and buff them around. (Big mistake Oliver.) Oliver pulls them out and the trucks, once again plot revenge. 

The trucks begin to push him forward. The driver foolishly applies the brakes instead of accepting their faith. The trucks push Oliver towards the turntable that Duck is on.

Luckily, it is not the same line as the one Oliver is on. Duck watches as Oliver goes butt first into the pit. 

Popping a wheelie, Oliver?

Duck teases Oliver right away. (Note to self, there is no "Are you okay?" with Duck) Duck mentions that Donald and Douglas are going to miss that turntable while it is out of commission.

That night, Oliver is pulled out of the pit while, The Fat Controller watches. Oliver apologizes while dangling in the air. The Fat Controller, who I suspect knew this was going to happen, sends Oliver to The Works. 

Well that was a dirty trick.

After a few days of being fixed, Oliver is home. He learned the lesson that trucks are dick heads. 

The end!

Season 3 Episode 20: Tender Engines

We start with Gordon who is out filling up with coal. James pulls up and mentions to Gordon, "You must have the coal munchies because, this is your third load."

Gordon explains that he is very important and James would not understand the coal munchies since he is so tiny compared to him.

Better then Cheetos, James.

Later that day, Gordon stops to fill up with water. Duck pulls up and tries to inform Gordon that the water is full of Montezuma's revenge. Gordon refuses to heed this information and once again calls an engine small and insignificant. 

I love Gordon's look as Duck rolls up with derp eyes.

Gordon heads to the big station and sees two large tenders hanging out from behind a wall. Gordon declares he must have those. His driver explains, they belong to visitor to their island. 

Oh my god, look at his tender!

Diesel slinks up next to Gordon and burst his bubble. Diesel tells Gordon that he is a endangered species with his tender. The world will be ran by Diesels before he knows it. (Well, that is true in the real world. Although, I find steam engines beautiful. The truth hurts.)

The next day, Gordon is feeling shot down and as low as he makes everyone else feel. Duck thinks it is the Montezuma's revenge he warned him about. Henry agrees that Gordon is full of sludge. Gordon once again, ignores the fact that he is both figuratively and actually full of shit. 

Burn!

Gordon backs up to his train. There The Fat Controller is on the platform. Gordon asks, "If he is indeed an endangered species?"

The Fat Controller replies, "Oh hell no, Gordon. I am too cheap to buy an all diesel fleet." 

Gordon has one more question he wonders why the visitor has two tenders. The Fat Controller just remarks, he has to travel faraway. 

Does Gordon not recognize his own brother's tenders? 

I am coming off my rails in excitement. 

So, Gordon is now all well and good. But, now Henry is acting up. He now has a case of tender envy. He tells Duck and Donald that he is good enough for two tenders.

Duck whispers to Donald that he is going to trick Henry.

Duck offers Henry his tenders. Henry puzzled since Duck is a tank engine, questions this. Donald adds in the fun egging on the joke. Henry finally agrees to take Duck's tenders. Duck even informs Henry that he has six that he'll give him that evening.

I'm the tender god, Henry!

That evening, Duck takes an overly excited Henry to his tenders. All the other engines gather to see the awesomeness of Henry's six tenders. Henry pulls out with six nasty disgusting rusty tenders. 

Beautiful!

Gordon teases Henry from afar, while everyone else giggles. 

What did we learn? Well, like the real world big tenders are wanted. Thanks Kardashians!

Season 3 Episode 9: Henry's Forest

Finally some Henry action! Oh, it involves tree hugging. Ah, how cares? I'll take it!

Henry loves trees. His favorite place is the forest. His crew takes him on special rides to the forest so Henry can hippy out. 

Henry takes in the fresh tree scent and animal doo doo smells and reminisces about how he and the gang helped plant some new trees. It was a lovely time. 

Ah yes!

As luck would have it, a storm rolls in one day. The engines are in the shed for the night. Thomas and Toby discuss how the wind is a howling. James butts in with some Gordon ass kissing about it sounding like him and the express. Henry meanwhile, just cries about the wind possibly damaging his trees.

What a sad whittle face. 

Morning time arrives and Henry finds out the forest has been destroyed. His driver informs Henry that Donald and him are going help clean it up. This breaks Henry's heart as they head off with the breakdown crane.

Henry arrives at the disaster scene and takes in the scenery. He is taken back at the destruction. He starts to boo hoo about the animals. Henry is about to get all Betty White on us. 

Hurry, someone get to the hobby shop and buy some trees!

Henry takes a train of logs to the lumber mill. There Thomas and Toby are waiting. They observe that Henry is in a deep depression seeing his trees being sawed apart. Toby and Thomas, are moved by this display of tree affection by Henry. They state they really want to help him.

Toby heads back to the sheds, where of course The Fat Controller is waiting. They discuss Henry's mourning. The Fat Controller declares, he'll set it right and has Toby take some trucks to the forest. 

This of course is part of my PR plan!

Turns out these trucks are full of wee little baby trees. Toby gleefully takes them to the forest. Toby exclaims, "This is the best job I ever had!" (The tree hugging has gone to Toby)

Henry returns to see what is happening. He is so shocked that he makes that face your grandma makes when she smiles without her dentures. He sees Trevor and Terrence working on planting the new trees.

Get the applesauce!

Henry now visits the forest and sees the saplings growing up. The animals that he and Betty White love so much are coming back to the forest. Henry is now out from his black veil.

Even Bambi visits.

Season 3 Episode 5: Donald's Duck

Duck is in the shed speaking with The Fat Controller. Turns out, Duck is so awesome he is being awarded his own branch line.

I am going to pee my pants, but I can't!

Duck's new branch line runs along the coast and into a port. Duck goes on a run on his branch line. He loves it. He adjusts quickly and he is busy as bee.

The Fat Controller is building a new station at the port. (Damn, he is making bank.) Duck has been helping with the construction. Bertie and the other engines have been helping also.

Where is he getting this money? The way his railroad runs you'd think he would be handing out refunds left and right.

That night, Duck turns into quite a Thomas. He starts to go on and on about his new responsibility to Donald. Donald cracks at the annoyance and starts to quack at Duck. It was his way of saying shut up.

You broke Donald, Duck.

Duck tells his crew all about how Donald has insulted him by calling him a quacker. Duck and his crew whispered revenge. 

Everyone was busy working in their slave jobs. Duck's revenge had not took place yet. But that night, Duck's crew slip something in Donald's water tank when he sleeping. 

Put some liquor in there. 

The next morning, Donald's crew was filling his water tank up. They noticed there was a little something extra. Duck's crew had kidnapped a baby duckling and put it in his tank. Abuse.

Call PETA!

The Duck became BFFs with Donald and his crew. It was like their deformed duck puppy. But as with all good things, it ended. The duck hopped off at a station one day and stayed. Awe sad story.

But that's not the end. Donald's crew now extracts their revenge. They wait until night fall and put a egg in nest under Duck. Duck's crew find it in the morning and laugh their butts off at it. Duck is surprised to find he is now a single father.

Well, at least the crew will have breakfast.

We also find at the end of story, that Donald's duck is now named Dilly and has a daddy issues. 

Come back, father!

The End Of Season/Series 2: The Snarkies!

As I stated in The End Of Season/Series 1 write up, I would really like to do something different at the end of each season. For Season 2, I decided to hand out awards, The SNARKIES, if you will. So without further to do, Jane Slicker presents THE SNARKIES.

Best New Character

Duck

I'm so shocked!

I choose Duck for the simple reason, that he had a real rough introduction. From the bigger engines bullying him, Diesel antics, to wrecking into a barber shop. And after all this, he is just a likable guy.

Best Villain

Diesel

Meh....

Diesel gets the win for the sheer evil he is. He even has the most sinister theme music to go with it. Diesel truly is the most sneakiest snake on Sodor. 

Best Set Of Twins

Donald And Douglas

They're a little nervous that Kayne is going to show up and give The Snarky to Beyonce.

An easy win over Bill and Ben. The brotherly love these two have for each other is heartwarming.  Douglas not being able to live without his brother. And Donald, possibly sacrificing himself for scrap for his brother. These two deserve my Snarky Award.

Best Jerk

James

James likes to make an entrance

It was a tie up between James and Gordon for me. But, I decided to give it to James. Why? Well because, he seems to join in with Gordon and Henry to be a big boy. And he really grinds my gears. 

Best Non Engine Character

Bertie

Bertie, get back here and get your Snarky!

I really like Bertie. His design calls me. Maybe, I am a bus nut? 

Best Make Up

Daisy

Add the stripper music!

Daisy is the Kim Kardashian of Sodor, so of course she is getting the Snarky for best make up. She is also the winner for best swerves. 

Best Crash

Percy

Glorious! 

There were many great crashes in this season, with all the buildings built on the end of the rails. I have to give it Percy though. He crashed with grace. When hit that brake van, he had a great bounce and landing.

Best Couple

Edward & Trevor

Trevor is disappointed he didn't win any children.

The story between Edward and Trevor is touching. The friendship between them is worthy of The Snarky.

Best Crazy Thomas Face

Thomas was drinking before the show.

Yep, that one! You knew it was the winner!

Most Underused Character This Season

Henry

And he even made derp eyes for us!

We didn't really see a lot of Henry this season. If we did, he was grumping. I actually enjoy the character of Henry so, it was a little bit of a disappointment for me. 

Best Death Scene

The Spiteful Brake Van

RIP

He did have it coming though. Lesson to take from this, don't be a spiteful brake van.

And that will do it for The SNARKIES. Join Thomas The Snark Engine in snarking on Season/Series 3 next. We will see duck abuse, engines with silly scarves, dragons, tree hugging, and much more!

Season 2 Episode 26: Thomas and The Missing Christmas Tree

It is Dec 23 on the Island of Sodor. The engines are expecting a lot of children and The Fat Controller has his knickers in a bunch to have a great Carol Party. 

The Fat Controller commissions Thomas to gather the Christmas Tree. Thomas pleads to be able to sing carols this year again. The Fat Controller isn't sure if he wants to give Thomas that pleasure. He just gives the old, "We'll see" excuse.

Maybe if you being me back, Mrs. Claus....

Thomas collected the tree with no problem. But, we all know that can not last. On the way back, Thomas runs straight into a slow drift. 

Daaaaaaaammnit!

Thomas begins to panic about being late and The Fat Controller relying on him. Thomas tried to get out but, doing so causes more snow to fall on him.

The other engines, back in civilization where beginning to get angry over Thomas being late.  The Fat Controller interrupts saying that we assume Thomas is stuck or drinking egg nog. Donald and Douglas set off to rescue Thomas.

Spot the stolen faces.

The twins find a huge drift. The snow pile starts to scream, "Help!" One must assume it's Thomas. Donald and Douglas work to free Thomas.

Thomas had it coming.

Once out, the trio sets off to finish the trip. It was night time when they arrived. The Fat Controller and the other engines are waiting for them. The Fat Controller rewards the engines with letting them sing carols.

At the big station, everyone was gathered.

Even Diesel... that grinch.

The Fat Controller starts to MC it from behind a golden podium. He is interrupted by Harold hoovering above him. He brought Santa Claus. Show off!

I'm Harold and I need attention. 

And we end with, Happy Christmas everyone!

Tomorrow I will be handing out awards for The Best Of Season 2.