Season 4 Episode 6: A Bad Day for Sir Handel

Skarloey and Rhenesas are sitting next to each other speaking with their crews about how they are aging. A crew member drops a bomb about 2 new engines coming in to help the old men. (Wait, a second the episodes are out of order. Ugh, I already have issues keeping these Narrow Gauge Engines straight!) 

Don't mock me Rhenesas.

Sir Handel and Peter Sam arrive. Sir Handel immediately starts bitching about the amenities. Peter Sam plays good cop and insists it is nice. Sir Handel then turns his attention to Skarloey who is sitting under the awning by the shed. He then complains about Skarloey looking like rubbish. (Sir Handel you just won me over. You're hilarious!) 

Peter Sam tries to make excuses for Sir Handel's behavior. Instead of being insulted Skarloey just feels bad for Peter Sam because, he is like a prissy pmsing teenage girl.

Please don't get us killed, Sir Handel.

Sir Handel's firman interrupts Sir Handel's great insults to inform him that he needs to get work. Sir Handel whines about being tired and insists that Peter Sam should do it. But, oh no this fireman is having none of that and forces him to go.

Sir Handel gathers his coaches. He of course, has to insult them too. Sir Handel calls them cattle trucks. The coaches call Sir Handel as they see him, a jag off. 

Sir Handel heads to the platform and there is another engine with ego, Gordon. Sir Handel introduces himself to Gordon. Sir Handel tries to make himself important to Gordon by putting himself in the same league as him. He is even too much for Gordon to handle.

Someone who is more egotistical them me?!

Sir Handel sets off on his line going through the mountain passes. He hits the top station and is still in his pissy mood. He wanted to rest but, his driver wants to get some trucks from the quarry. Sir Handel totally looses it and refuses to work. 

He comes up with the idea of causing trouble to get out of it. (Just like Gordon!) He derails himself.

Maybe this is what is going on with Amtrak?

Peter Sam heads up with some workmen and The Fat Controller. (Uh oh) The Fat Controller must have been taken away from his iced bun again because, he just leaves with, "I'll talk to you later." 

Later that evening, when Sir Handel heads home, The Fat Controller is waiting. He lays in on Sir Handel with the fury of the devil. He then puts Sir Handel in "engine time out" in the shed.

It's bad enough I have to deal with you too. I have a gazillion other misbehaving engines to look after.

Season 3 Episode 24: Heroes

Aw here we go with a story about the two crazies, Bill and Ben. Bill and Ben are working at the quarry when they realize they are bored and they need a surprise. Or in other words, a reason to cause mischief. But before they can cause chaos, the quarry master arrives. He sends Bill and Ben to the harbor per The Fat Controller.

And you can bet he was thrilled to have them gone.

Bill and Ben meet The Fat Controller at the harbor. He explains since Edward is out taking children on a trip, he needs Bill and Ben to shunt trucks for him. 

Bill and Ben head off to work. They met up with Gordon who lectures them to behave since they are on The Mainline. Ben burns Gordon by stating he thought he was at the scrapyard. (And at that moment, Ben earned points with me.) Before leaving, Gordon warns them to have his express ready that evening.

Oh it burns so bad.

Bill and Ben begin to work shunting trucks. They thought they were doing great and the job was easy. But in reality, they were sucking hard at it. The trucks were growing more and more annoyed with them. At this point, I think we all know where this going.

Muhahahaha!

As evening rolls in, the yard looks like a war zone. The twins had foolishly let the trucks tell them where to put them. 

At the station, Gordon and his passengers are furious as they have no coaches. While Bill and Ben try their hardest to get things straight. By the time, they get the coaches to Gordon his train is late. 

Leaving Gordon closer to an aneurysm.

The next day, twins were sent back to the quarry to work. Suddenly, there was a rumble. A rock slide is about to go down. The alarm sounds and mass panic ensues. The quarry workers climb into Bill and Ben's trucks. 

Bill and Ben were just about to leave, when a voice yells, "Help!" It's the Quarry master. He is about to be squished. 

It's hard to run when you legs don't move.

Ben waited for him while he climbed on board. They left the quarry with seconds to spare. The whole set begins to crumble. It is actually very dramatic. The only thing I would suggest is more explosions. 

I feel sorry the person who has to clean all the sand up.

The next day, The Fat Controller arrives on Edward. He congratulates Bill and Ben for saving all those souls. He does it in a very quick and unenthusiastic, "Hip, Hip, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray." Bill and Ben feel like heroes, even with the lack of effort to properly cheer from The Fat Controller. (He probably wanted to get it over with and eat an iced bun.)

Season 3 Episode 15: Toby's Tight Rope

On this winter day, Percy arrives at the quarry to gather his trucks filled with stone. He finds Mavis hiding from embarrassment. 

And then he kissed me.

Mavis complains about Toby some more and the manager telling her she had no business on Toby's line. This ticks Percy off and he quickly lectures her about Toby knowing a lot about trucks in his old age. He also spurts out about putting trucks where Toby wants them and blah blah blah very useful engine.

Mavis still doesn't want to listen to anyone. She gripes about why she shouldn't be able to go down Toby's line. She is also annoyed by the siding lines. They way they were laid down caused her to have to make multiple trips to arrange the trucks the way Toby wants them.

It would be easier to do Calculus. 

Mavis schemes that using Toby's line would make it much easier. Her driver who is being manipulated goes along and allows her to go to the first crossing. 

Within a few days, the weather begins to change for the better. The green is appearing from under the snow. Business starts to pick up with the change. The trains begin to become so long that Mavis begins to challenge going beyond the crossing.  

Mavis does the dumbest thing ever and tells the trucks about her scheme to go further and further down the line. She asks them to bump her at the level crossing.

You'll have regrets.

 Toby arrives while Mavis went off to do her Mavis things. He decides to shunt the trucks himself. Once again looking for engine blood, the trucks decide to bump Toby for shits and giggles. 

Toby reaches the crossing and hits his brakes. With a help from a hand they bump Toby across the crossing. They send Toby flying down the line.

The Hand Gods have spoken Toby.

Whoever was suppose to inspect the lines did not do a very good job that day. No one noticed that with the snow melt, the streams and rivers were overflowing. This caused a bridge on Toby's line to be very dangerous. It was dangling like a Tightrope. Hence the title. 

Toby tries to stop before he hits the bridge but, with no avail. He stops right at the worst spot.

I like Toby's "I Nearly Shat Myself" face.

Mavis frantically tries to catch up. She was scared silly. But, she had it together enough to rescue Toby. Workmen anchor down Toby while Mavis pulled back the trucks. She then focuses on Toby. She pulls him back with a chain using all her force. 

Once Toby is off the bridge, the two of them have a chat. Mavis apologizes for the trucks' assholery. Toby just jokes about being a circus folk now.

The Fat Controller arrives later on that day. (I am actually surprised he didn't just show up out of nowhere.) Mavis breaks down confessing it was her fault. But, The Fat Controller actually is not angry. He agrees that if her manager says it okay she can come down Toby's line. 

Maybe she didn't interrupt his iced bun?

We end with Mavis being happy and declared very useful. 

Thank goodness this episode is over. I was getting sick. The cameraman was shaky as hell on this one. I suspect he was sniffing model glue. 

Season 3 Episode 14: Mavis

Now, this is exciting an episode with my cat's namesake. I really liked the name Mavis and the character. Thanks Thomas!

Mavis is ashamed.

Enough cat talk, on with the episode. We start with an introduction to Mavis the diesel engine. The narrator tells us that Mavis is a sexy little number of a diesel. She was brought in to work at the quarry. Mavis is young, like rearranging things, has nice side plates, and a female. 

Meow!

One day, Mavis takes the rearranging things too far when she messes up Toby's trucks. Toby totally bitches her out for having his trucks in different spots everyday. Mavis is like screw Toby and heads off.

This happens daily until Toby looses it and tells Mavis to shove it and take the trucks herself. Mavis is tickled pink at this. 

Damn Toby...

Mavis is at the station waiting, while Diesel oiled up to her. (As the narrator put it) Mavis makes the mistake of complaining about Toby. Diesel was overjoyed by this act of venting. He squirms his way into causing trouble. He builds Mavis up on the Diesel mentality that they do everything better then steam engines. This lights Mavis' fire.

Wasn't he banned awhile back? I'll have to consult Maury.

The narrator who is really into explaining things this episode tells us about Toby's line. I'll try to sum it up. 

1. It crosses with the main road
2. For a short way follows a farm lane
3. Frosty weather makes it rock hard and slippery 
4. Toby stops before reaching the lane
5. His fireman stops the traffic at the crossing
6. Toby goes
7. Toby uses the heavy trucks to push him down the hill
8. It helps him get across the lane
9. It is the safe thing to do  

Visuals once again

Toby tries to explain to Mavis this very lengthy procedure. Mavis is less then thrilled to listen to Toby's advice. She basically calls him old man fuss pot. 

Mavis heads out with the trucks. Her trucks have been growing quite angry with her. Mavis has the habit of treating them roughly and we know where this is going. The trucks chatter about revenge unknown to her.

Mavis not heeding Toby's advice stops right at the crossing. And wouldn't you know it? She is stuck. The trucks are holding her back.

Bertie is enjoying the show.

Workmen arrive and try to sand and dig out the mud. But, nope. 

Toby meanwhile is in the yard, when someone tells him of Mavis' ordeal. Toby gripes about warning her. Toby's driver explains, "She is young and naive. And she has your trucks so we'll probably get in trouble for this. We better help."

Not that I'll ever get in trouble.

Toby finds Mavis being verbal assaulted by a farmer. (Dang, there is a lot of presumed cussing in this one.) Toby teases Mavis and then helps her by pushing her back to the top. Toby tells her good luck and Mavis does not reply. She is embarrassed. 

Mavis drops the trucks into a shed and heads back to the quarry to hide.

What a way to end this?

Season 2 Episode 20: Percy's Perdicament

Daisy is working along Thomas' branch line. Interesting tidbit about Daisy, she is scared of bulls and cows and is still lazy. So, I better not call her a lazy cow. 

I can not unseen Kim Kardashian as a Diesel now.

One day, Toby and Henrietta Pussycat pull up next to Percy at the station. They find Percy rather grumpy shunting some trucks. Toby points out that Daisy still won't deliver milk. Poor Percy has to make an extra run to deliver it. Toby seeing that Percy is about to loose it offers to deliver it and Percy can take his trucks at quarry. 

Zombie sighting on Sodor!

Now, Percy is a new kid of the block when it comes to the quarry. Percy who still hasn't figured out that you can't bump trucks around angrily and he does just that. The trucks quit rightly this time, are furious. They go on about this being Toby's place and Percy has no right giving them smack. They chant, "Pay Percy out!"

This truck is terrifying.

Percy hooks up to some trucks. Those sneaky bastards, follow him quietly as to not arouse suspicion. 

Along the line, lays a sign.

Rabbit season!

Percy peeps for the guard to pin the brakes. The bastard trucks push Percy forward. The poor sap working at the crossing waved his flag at Percy to warn him. Percy ran right pass him, it was too late to switch him lines. Percy panicked rushes through the yard and kills a brake van that was parked on the line.  

It's though being a brake van on Sodor

The poor brake van is crushed. The only thing that remains is the base. Percy lands perfectly on that base though.

Cause he's all about that base

They let Percy sit there until the next day. The Fat Controller arrives to see his latest catastrophe on the railway. Toby and Daisy also arrive to help. As usual, The Fat Controller does not blame the trucks. It is all on Percy. He chews Percy out and whines about trying to run the branch line with just Toby and Daisy. The Fat Controller decides to let Percy sulk on the brake van until he is ready to take him off.   

And there is the reason I never liked you as kid.

But the chewing out isn't just reserved for Percy, Daisy gets one too. He shames her with the very useful bit and tell her that if she doesn't turn into his slave, she will be set away. But since Toby said she worked hard to clear the mess, she gets a second chance. 

The next day, Thomas came back from the works and Percy is sent off to have his turn there. See, The Fat Controllers' tantrum about having two engines was for nothing. I think the stress is getting to him. He already lost his hair.

We end with Daisy being schooled by Toby and everyone being good old buddies. 

But they didn't give Thomas a new brain. Not until season 8.

Season 1 Episode 22: Thomas In Trouble

Ah man, you tell me I have to get through a Thomas story to figure out what happens to Toby? Ugh, alright!

So, there is a line that goes to a quarry on Thomas' branch. The line is near the road. Since Thomas does not want to squash anyone or thing he whistles.

Imagine it cuter 

Early in the morning, Thomas sees the po po sitting by the line. Thomas once knew the prior constable and whistles. But this one is a tank engine hater. 

I am the Gordon of police officers

The officer is peed off due to not sleeping well and Thomas whistled behind his back. And like a typical cop he looks for what he can ticket. The fact that Thomas has no cow catchers shall do. Thomas jokes, "That he doesn't catch cows."

The officer is even more pissed. He looks for other issues. He finds that Thomas also doesn't have side plates. 

And I planted pot in wheels

He declares Thomas dangerous. Thomas' driver protests that they have done this a hundred times and have never had a problem. Now, this gives the officer a power boner and he calls Thomas a "Regular Law Breaker". It is his book now.

This is the lamest episode of Cops ever

Thomas puffs away after being harassed and we cut to The Fat Controller eating his breakfast. The Butler interrupts with a phone call. He finds that Thomas is steps away from the clink and he must go.

I better call Saul!

At the station, Thomas' driver explains what a butthole the officer is. The Fat Controller then tries to argue with the policeman and comes up short. This officer must be a recent graduate of the academy. 

The Fat Controller says, "He'll have to make some cow catchers for Thomas."

Thomas insists they will bs steam engine social suicide and all the other engines will make fun of him for looking like a trammy. Good point, I know Gordon would be the first to do so.

Can I just have braces?

The word Tram hits The Fat Controller like a load of bricks. He remembers Toby and he wants to give him that portion of the line. 

The Fat Controller writes his driver and requests his trammy. Toby is glad to respond and heads out to the land of Thomas' branch line. He even brings Henrietta Pussycat. 

Toby now runs the portion of the line. Toby makes sure that he rings his bell at the officer everyday to piss in his Wheaties. 

Oy! You stinking Tram!

Of course, Toby ticking off the policeman tickles Thomas so much they are now friends. 

Now if he can only get Gordon to "Poop Poop" him. Muhahaha!

Season 1 Episode 17: Percy Runs Away

At the sheds, 'The Three Amigos' are miserable. They are still in "Engine Time Out". They long for the days when they can be set free. 

But wait, they are in luck. The Fat Controller has arrived. He informs them that they are really not that important and that he has bought Percy. And if they promise to be good they shall be free to work.

lame

He also sends Edward, Percy, and Thomas to play on the branch line for a few days. Thomas gathers Annie and Clarabel while, Edward and Percy play with trucks. Edward leaves for the quarry and Thomas to the line. Percy is all alone. He continues to shunt and be cheeky to the other engines.

After that excitement, he waits for the signal man to switch him to the tracks that lead to the yard. Once again, we find that Edward has warned Percy, "To be careful on The Mainline and whistle at signal man."

But, Percy forgets. Of course! He is stuck for a while. Finally he looks in front of him and freaks. He whistles as he sees Gordon heading towards him. 

Oh no, he is going to poop poop me!

Gordon yells at Percy to move but, he can't. Gordon slams on the brakes and barely misses Percy.

"This isn't is what it looks like, I swear." said Gordon

Percy opens his eyes and finds this. He has a total spaz out and starts to move backwards. We watch Percy run through assorted landmarks backwards. He starts to wear out but, he can not stop due to not having a crew. 

One of the signal men who actually pays attention to his job sees runaway Percy and switches the line. Percy goes off into a siding and into some dirt stopping him. 

Woooo!

Workmen come along and start to dig him out. Gordon also arrives and pulls Percy out. He actually compliments Percy for starting so fast he avoided an accident. And Percy apologizes for being a Thomas Jr.

Did someone drug Gordon?