Season 5 Episode 2: Horrid Lorry

Looks like we are in for more Cranky fun. Today he is bitching at Percy for being late. Percy explains that he has been running late due to to all the work to do on the island. Cranky suggests that the engines should be replaced by lorries or trucks, for us Americans. Percy's eyes nearly rolled out of his head over the shock of such a suggestion. 

Don't worry there little guy, you can work on a Heritage Railroad.

Percy heads off to spread to gospel of Cranky to the other engines at the shed. They all dismiss Percy's fear. Unlike Percy, the know the show is called Thomas The Tank Engine and they aren't going anywhere. 

Soon enough, Percy's fears come true, 3 lorries appear. They were being unloaded from a ship in the harbor. 

Flying lorries!

Cranky nearly pees himself with glee over this. Percy arrives to be loaded up. Cranky starts to mock Percy that his job is gone. He then informs Percy that one of the lorries would like to have chat with him

The Lorry calls Percy a steaming pile of scrap iron and shoos him away. Percy was the most upset at being called this and rolls off.

You know he is a bad ass with his whiskers.

Percy then later sees Thomas and James. Another one of the lorries was laying into them. The lorry then turns his attention to Percy. He calls him a little green goblin on wheels and states that he will be scrapped. The lorry the drives off. 

Thomas starts to complain over the rudeness of the lorry. James agrees.

Someone should put sugar in his tank.

Meanwhile with little Toby, a lorry has arrived to harass him too. The lorry points out that Toby should be a museum. Toby replies with the very useful engine line we all know. The Lorry in which tells him to tootle along. Toby's driver breaks it up and sends Toby to the flour mill.

This is the angriest I ever seen Toby.

At the flour mill, Toby had found that he has been replaced there too. His driver decides to head out to the farms. He has an idea that they will be needed and loved there.

Toby's railway runs through a gorge. While Toby could go through, vehicles have to take a long winding road around. Toby had arrived at the gorge, he sees the lorry from the quarry with a load of rocks on the pass. The lorry was out of control. The lorry then drives off the road.

Toby's reaction was priceless.

I hope they don't pin me.

The lorry's driver was thrown from the vehicle. He obviously was not wearing a seat belt. How he survived is a good question.

He could have also been drunk too.

The lorry was taken to the docks to be recycled into a soda can, I presume. Percy sees the lorry at the dock and teases the lorry about being a steaming pile of scrap. The lorry insists he'll make a comeback.

Butch the tow truck, arrives with the lorry at the flour mill. Turns out this lorry had broke down from being overloaded. 

James arrives whistling, he had seen the third lorry on the barge. This one had reversed himself into the sea. 

Thomas then arrives to laugh at their misfortune. He calls them the "Brothers Grimm".

I would have called them, The Dip Shits.

The lorries never returned to the island. They are now being drank from and then recycled again. Maybe, one day they'll turn into an airplane and return. 

Season 4 Episode 25: Special Attraction

Toby is at the station and excited to show off his beautiful new bell. Toby was off to head to the seaside. His driver explains to him that at the village every year they have a parade with special attractions. And this year, Toby is the big deal!

Because, I'm hot stuff.

Toby arrives at the village station. They were only welcomed by one man who liked to whisper. Turns out that the parade is full and Toby has been rejected like yesterday's lunch. Toby understandable is bummed out.

Looks like Toby, literally was burned.

Percy who was shunting in the yard was surprised to see Toby there. He was going to ask Toby what's up, when The Fat Controller pops out of nowhere. He wants Percy to head to the harbor. Trouble is brewing with someone named Bulstrode. 

His driver explains that Bulstrode is a barge, who happens to be another ass on Sodor.

There's never a shortage of assholes on Sodor, Percy, my boy!

At the harbor, Bulstrode is chewing out everyone. He yells at the trucks, to move closer. They are quick to point out that they need an engine to push them and that Bulstrode is the one in the wrong place.

Yarr!

Percy arrives just in time to be put in the middle of a mess. The trucks are pissed and Bulstrode is whining. The trucks beg Percy to have them filled up so they can be free from Bulstrode.

While putting the trucks into their place, they went through a buffer. They then went over the edge of the dock and right into Bulstrode.

Like lemmings!

Percy luckily doesn't go over. But, the weight on Bulstrode makes him feel like he is sinking. 

The clean up took a long while to do. Percy sits watching Bulstrode be pulled onto the beach. 

At the beach, Bulstrode is sentenced to a life of having children play with him. And to me that is the worst punishment known to man or barge.

That really sucks.

Percy arrives home and tells Toby all about it. Toby laughs it off as they both had seaside adventures today. He then declares himself as a special attraction everyday and so is Percy. 

Well, Percy is special.

Season 4 Episode 22: Thomas and The Special Letter

Thomas arrives with his last train for the day, where Toby and Percy are waiting. They discuss that they all are going to the big station and that something must be up. The meaning of somethings up confuses Toby's old man brain. 

It's not funny, Thomas.

Just then, coming up the line they see Mavis, BoCo, Bill, Ben, Donald, Douglas, and Oliver. Donald reminds them to hurry they are all wanted at the station. Thomas is even more curious about what's going on. The three leave to find out what is the hub bub.

At the station, The Fat Controller from on top of Duck reads a letter from a little girl. The girl asks if the engines could visit her at the station near her house. The girl is a huge Thomas fangirl.

I am Mufasa 

The Fat Controller takes this as an opportunity for publicity and announces that they are going to the big city. Well, only a select few of them. 

The engines who were going on the trip begin to show their replacements the ropes of their lines. Thomas gives the low down to Oliver. 

All the excitement begins to give Thomas' ego a big boast. He begins to brag to Oliver about how useful he is, how everyone loves him, and winning a race against Bertie. 

You know typical Thomas stuff

Thomas couldn't just tell Oliver about it. Nope he has to show off and reenact it. All the sudden, Thomas takes off like a horny jack rabbit. And has a GIF worthy accident.

I love Bill/Ben's face back there.

Thomas or crew didn't die or anything. But, Thomas did have bent buffers. The Fat Controller is called. He sends out some workmen and makes it clear that Thomas is danger of not going on the trip if he is not mended in time.

8 o' clock the next morning, Gordon, Edward, James, Percy, Toby, Henry, and Duck are waiting to see if Thomas makes it.

It's all about Thomas.

And god dammit, Thomas makes it. They all head off to the city, where dreams are made.

In the city, the engines where put up in a fancy shed surrounded by their adoring fans. Sounds like my worst nightmare.

It's a metaphor for Thomas being the center of the universe.

Don't forget to check out this blog's sister, Kidisasters. A snarky look at various kid shows.

Season 4 Episode 21: Bulls Eyes

Toby pulls up on the one and only, Kim Kardashian of Sodor, Daisy. Daisy starts to tease Toby for having cow catchers. She states that Toby is only afraid of hurting himself. Daisy declares all she has to do it toot at the cows. Animals always run in fear if you toot and look them in the eye, even bulls. 
In fact, Daisy has never seen a bull.

Toby is trying not to loose it at all this toot talk.

Daisy heads off to her run, all the while with her sexy theme music playing. At the station, the fuzz was waiting for Daisy. He informs Daisy that a bull is on the line. She must clear it and return it to the farmer. Daisy is excited at the opportunity to show up Toby.

Now, I must solve the mystery of this man's missing mouth.

The bull's name is Champion and today is the day that someone pissed in his Wheaties. He broke through his fence and headed down the hill onto the line. Champion now has become lost.

That bull is already pre-cut 

Daisy sways up the line while Champion is munching on some grass. Daisy gets behind the bull and toots. She yells at him to go home and nothing. 

Daisy begins to complain about how the bull is being a total jag off not turning around for her so she can look him in the eye. 

Just then, Champion turned around and mooed at her. Daisy starts to turn into a chicken shit and tries to whine herself out of the situation. Champion then gets right into her face and sniffs her. Daisy takes off backwards.

Kim and Kayne

Toby approaches Daisy who is sulking in a shed. Toby took great delight in the fact the bull scared her. Toby teased her and took off to take care of Daisy's unfinished business.

Toby finds Champion and rings his bell at him. Nothing happened, except the bull was looking for the ice cream man. Toby then wooshes him with steam. And that does the trick. 

Later that evening, Daisy pulls up to the platform. There was some boys to tease her. They offer her Bulls Eyes candy and rub it in. Daisy leaves feeling like a loser. 

It just wouldn't be a Thomas episode without teasing. 

Season 3 Episode 26: Thomas and Percy's Christmas Adventure

Our story starts with the introduction of a town deep in the heart of Sodor. It is December and Christmas is near. Thomas promises the villagers they will receive their letters and gifts from him soon. 

And Jane Slicker is getting the present of not having to deal with a jag off on Youtube anymore. Yahoo!

A week later the snow starts falling. Sodor is snowed in. Working was difficult for the engines. They were getting stuck and had to plow everywhere. (I live in Montana, this is life.) 

Thomas and Percy are setting up for their post trains. Thomas mentions that he is so full with Christmas goodness that he will have take an extra truck to the village. Percy gets all bummed that Thomas is not leaving any work for him.

Just then the plans change, Thomas' driver drops the bomb that Thomas is to work at the big station and Percy will take the post train. 

That's a butt hurt face if I ever saw one.

Percy heads down the line with the train. On his way, he is stopped by the fog man with a red light. (Hookers!) Nope, it wasn't hookers. The village is snowed in. He orders Percy to leave his trucks in the siding and get help.

Likely story...

Percy heads to the airfield, to get Harold. Harold is all over the emergency. It must have made him feel wanted and needed. After all, he is kind of a prick.

Before Percy can gather anymore help, Thomas comes up with Terence and the works train. He commands Percy to follow him.

Percy is a people pleaser.

They reach the village where Harold has already arrived. He was dropping food down to the people. Terence meanwhile, was plowing away.  

Yeah he is a little bit dangerous.

The work was done and the village people were please. They call Thomas and Percy the best Santa Clauses ever! Percy was confused about who Santa Claus was even though, he met him last season. (Yep, Percy is starting his downward spiral of dumbness for sure now.)

Thomas sends Percy back to get his post train from the siding. 

It only gets worst from here.

Toby arrives with Henrietta filled with drinks. The villagers drink all night until Toby is the only engine left who was not in his shed. 

The villagers load up Henrietta with gifts and themselves before Toby leaves. They were planning a surprise for the engines.

There better be a Christmas puppy in there.

Toby arrives late, to find everyone is sleeping. He had no idea what the villagers were planning. 

When the engines woke up, they were surprised that the village people had painted and decorated their shed. They even had gifts! (Really, they didn't wake up anyone, kill them, or at least make them goofy with paint flumes?) 

I take that back, they do look high.

And with that we finish season 3.

Season 3 Episode 15: Toby's Tight Rope

On this winter day, Percy arrives at the quarry to gather his trucks filled with stone. He finds Mavis hiding from embarrassment. 

And then he kissed me.

Mavis complains about Toby some more and the manager telling her she had no business on Toby's line. This ticks Percy off and he quickly lectures her about Toby knowing a lot about trucks in his old age. He also spurts out about putting trucks where Toby wants them and blah blah blah very useful engine.

Mavis still doesn't want to listen to anyone. She gripes about why she shouldn't be able to go down Toby's line. She is also annoyed by the siding lines. They way they were laid down caused her to have to make multiple trips to arrange the trucks the way Toby wants them.

It would be easier to do Calculus. 

Mavis schemes that using Toby's line would make it much easier. Her driver who is being manipulated goes along and allows her to go to the first crossing. 

Within a few days, the weather begins to change for the better. The green is appearing from under the snow. Business starts to pick up with the change. The trains begin to become so long that Mavis begins to challenge going beyond the crossing.  

Mavis does the dumbest thing ever and tells the trucks about her scheme to go further and further down the line. She asks them to bump her at the level crossing.

You'll have regrets.

 Toby arrives while Mavis went off to do her Mavis things. He decides to shunt the trucks himself. Once again looking for engine blood, the trucks decide to bump Toby for shits and giggles. 

Toby reaches the crossing and hits his brakes. With a help from a hand they bump Toby across the crossing. They send Toby flying down the line.

The Hand Gods have spoken Toby.

Whoever was suppose to inspect the lines did not do a very good job that day. No one noticed that with the snow melt, the streams and rivers were overflowing. This caused a bridge on Toby's line to be very dangerous. It was dangling like a Tightrope. Hence the title. 

Toby tries to stop before he hits the bridge but, with no avail. He stops right at the worst spot.

I like Toby's "I Nearly Shat Myself" face.

Mavis frantically tries to catch up. She was scared silly. But, she had it together enough to rescue Toby. Workmen anchor down Toby while Mavis pulled back the trucks. She then focuses on Toby. She pulls him back with a chain using all her force. 

Once Toby is off the bridge, the two of them have a chat. Mavis apologizes for the trucks' assholery. Toby just jokes about being a circus folk now.

The Fat Controller arrives later on that day. (I am actually surprised he didn't just show up out of nowhere.) Mavis breaks down confessing it was her fault. But, The Fat Controller actually is not angry. He agrees that if her manager says it okay she can come down Toby's line. 

Maybe she didn't interrupt his iced bun?

We end with Mavis being happy and declared very useful. 

Thank goodness this episode is over. I was getting sick. The cameraman was shaky as hell on this one. I suspect he was sniffing model glue. 

Season 3 Episode 14: Mavis

Now, this is exciting an episode with my cat's namesake. I really liked the name Mavis and the character. Thanks Thomas!

Mavis is ashamed.

Enough cat talk, on with the episode. We start with an introduction to Mavis the diesel engine. The narrator tells us that Mavis is a sexy little number of a diesel. She was brought in to work at the quarry. Mavis is young, like rearranging things, has nice side plates, and a female. 

Meow!

One day, Mavis takes the rearranging things too far when she messes up Toby's trucks. Toby totally bitches her out for having his trucks in different spots everyday. Mavis is like screw Toby and heads off.

This happens daily until Toby looses it and tells Mavis to shove it and take the trucks herself. Mavis is tickled pink at this. 

Damn Toby...

Mavis is at the station waiting, while Diesel oiled up to her. (As the narrator put it) Mavis makes the mistake of complaining about Toby. Diesel was overjoyed by this act of venting. He squirms his way into causing trouble. He builds Mavis up on the Diesel mentality that they do everything better then steam engines. This lights Mavis' fire.

Wasn't he banned awhile back? I'll have to consult Maury.

The narrator who is really into explaining things this episode tells us about Toby's line. I'll try to sum it up. 

1. It crosses with the main road
2. For a short way follows a farm lane
3. Frosty weather makes it rock hard and slippery 
4. Toby stops before reaching the lane
5. His fireman stops the traffic at the crossing
6. Toby goes
7. Toby uses the heavy trucks to push him down the hill
8. It helps him get across the lane
9. It is the safe thing to do  

Visuals once again

Toby tries to explain to Mavis this very lengthy procedure. Mavis is less then thrilled to listen to Toby's advice. She basically calls him old man fuss pot. 

Mavis heads out with the trucks. Her trucks have been growing quite angry with her. Mavis has the habit of treating them roughly and we know where this is going. The trucks chatter about revenge unknown to her.

Mavis not heeding Toby's advice stops right at the crossing. And wouldn't you know it? She is stuck. The trucks are holding her back.

Bertie is enjoying the show.

Workmen arrive and try to sand and dig out the mud. But, nope. 

Toby meanwhile is in the yard, when someone tells him of Mavis' ordeal. Toby gripes about warning her. Toby's driver explains, "She is young and naive. And she has your trucks so we'll probably get in trouble for this. We better help."

Not that I'll ever get in trouble.

Toby finds Mavis being verbal assaulted by a farmer. (Dang, there is a lot of presumed cussing in this one.) Toby teases Mavis and then helps her by pushing her back to the top. Toby tells her good luck and Mavis does not reply. She is embarrassed. 

Mavis drops the trucks into a shed and heads back to the quarry to hide.

What a way to end this?

Season 3 Episode 9: Henry's Forest

Finally some Henry action! Oh, it involves tree hugging. Ah, how cares? I'll take it!

Henry loves trees. His favorite place is the forest. His crew takes him on special rides to the forest so Henry can hippy out. 

Henry takes in the fresh tree scent and animal doo doo smells and reminisces about how he and the gang helped plant some new trees. It was a lovely time. 

Ah yes!

As luck would have it, a storm rolls in one day. The engines are in the shed for the night. Thomas and Toby discuss how the wind is a howling. James butts in with some Gordon ass kissing about it sounding like him and the express. Henry meanwhile, just cries about the wind possibly damaging his trees.

What a sad whittle face. 

Morning time arrives and Henry finds out the forest has been destroyed. His driver informs Henry that Donald and him are going help clean it up. This breaks Henry's heart as they head off with the breakdown crane.

Henry arrives at the disaster scene and takes in the scenery. He is taken back at the destruction. He starts to boo hoo about the animals. Henry is about to get all Betty White on us. 

Hurry, someone get to the hobby shop and buy some trees!

Henry takes a train of logs to the lumber mill. There Thomas and Toby are waiting. They observe that Henry is in a deep depression seeing his trees being sawed apart. Toby and Thomas, are moved by this display of tree affection by Henry. They state they really want to help him.

Toby heads back to the sheds, where of course The Fat Controller is waiting. They discuss Henry's mourning. The Fat Controller declares, he'll set it right and has Toby take some trucks to the forest. 

This of course is part of my PR plan!

Turns out these trucks are full of wee little baby trees. Toby gleefully takes them to the forest. Toby exclaims, "This is the best job I ever had!" (The tree hugging has gone to Toby)

Henry returns to see what is happening. He is so shocked that he makes that face your grandma makes when she smiles without her dentures. He sees Trevor and Terrence working on planting the new trees.

Get the applesauce!

Henry now visits the forest and sees the saplings growing up. The animals that he and Betty White love so much are coming back to the forest. Henry is now out from his black veil.

Even Bambi visits.